Break From the past . To America, the land of opportunities! (P4)

My life now revolved round the new- born and the twins who took all of my time and energy.  Chandran being more and more busy with various assignments,  he found less and less time to be around us.

  Around this time my parents came to visit us for they were yet to see all my children. It was such an happy occasion, even Chandran took some time off and we went around various places in Australia. Those days bungee jumping was the craze, some brave people undertook this to prove to themselves that they could overcome their fear of heights. I was really fascinated by the thrill of this sport. I too wanted to experience it .

  What better occasion then now, I thought, with my parents here to look after my kids while I took  the plunge. Well although, on an impulse,  I had decided to jump, but as the time got closer and closer to the jumping part,  I was very nervous, I got paranoid with all kinds of crazy feelings going round my mind, like : what would happen if I went and hit something and got badly hurt, or what if I had an heart attack and died, who will look after my three little kids, what if I had a stroke,  have I really gone crazy signing up for this kind of sport when I have so many responsibilities, I should just turn back. but the words of Chandran kept coming to my mind :" do it Sudha you will love it, there is no danger, once you have gone through it you will come back for more. If anything bad were to happen  it could happen even inside the house,  or for that matter anywhere, one should not let negative thoughts put a stop on all the things that we want to experience." Well he can say:  for he had already jumped many times and in so many different ways.  How was I to overcome this fear, that was gnawing inside me?

I had to overcome fear of fear, and just do it ! I just have to take a deep breath and just let go of the fear.... I had to somehow break through this fear, for as someone once said: on the other side of fear lies everything we ever wanted.

Was it as simple as that : yes it had to be for there  was no time to debate, and it was my turn now: the instructor had already started to count 10, 9,8,7,6,5....my God, the time has come for me to  jump !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and.........with my heart almost in my mouth I.... jumped ....... initially I felt as though, I was almost dying, the fear of reaching  nowhere was really very terrifying, but soon, my mind became totally blank...my fear magically transformed itself into a sense of great joy, a sense of freedom,  a feeling so great that words can never describe them.
 Soon I was back, and like all others who had shouted that they have done the most incredible thing in their lives, I too shouted out in joy in the same manner, for believe me it was indeed the most  incredible and wonderful experience, and I had done it!

    I was really glad to be back in one piece and  also happy to have overcome the fear. Soon it was time for my parents to leave, and I was a little upset, for I had got used to their presence so much. But they have their own lives, and they can't be with me forever. 
Once again, it was time for us to move to the US, because Chandran's company wanted him to handle some major projects there.

  The idea of going to the US did not appeal to me so much. Moving to a new place,  trying to settle to a new way of life was too daunting. Having tasted life in Australia, it was very difficult to move away from it so easily. Somehow, the thought of leaving this country bothered me,  I had loved this place, our house, our life,  despite the frequent travels of Chandran,  Oh, we were so happy, it was not easy for me to leave all this....

Chandran, as usual said I should not be so negative about every thing.  He was quite happy to  move. I too brainwashed myself to thinking happy thoughts about that country and happily prepared myself, to move along with him.
America, here we come!!!

  
(to be continued soon)