Break From The Past: When things fall apart... (Part 5)

We settled in sunny California. Life was good, we made lots of friends, went travelling around America as much as we could, whenever we could, we were happy in the real sense. Time, had moved very fast. Our children were now young adults,  the twins and the 3rd one were doing great. They were doing well in their respective fields, they were  grown up boys,  independent,  living in  apartments near their University. I found myself with lot of time in my hands, and embarked into learning the things that I always wanted to learn,  but could not because of being busy with home and children. Everything has its own time, and my time to learn had come knocking at my door.

I was pleased with myself, and I was truly happy. Unlike Australia, life was not so laid back, and I enjoyed every bit of it. I thought Chandran too,  would be pleased to see me learning to do so many things all by myself. But something was not right between us ---- something was seriously wrong ----- When did things go wrong, I cannot put my finger to it . Everyday little things were enough to spark a fight between us for no apparent reason, when previously one of us would always make up (and I used to love our making up so much that sometimes I would deliberately find reasons to fight with him). But alas, now none of us  bothered about making up, we were too proud to be the first one to say sorry....... the ego that was absent between us so far had somehow, crept into our lives.
Could things really become so bad between two people who were supposed to be so much in love with each other?
What went wrong, why????
I racked my brain to find answers to so many questions, that was plaguing me non- stop.

 Each time I did something interesting and praise-worthy he would only try and find fault with me. He even started to degrade me in front of friends though in a humorous manner .. it didn't hurt so much in the beginning, but when it became a standard pattern with him, taunting and always poking fun at me, it really hurt. I could not believe that this was the same Chandran whom I fell in love,  got married and had three kids with him. At first I let it go, thinking it was pressure from his job that was making him behave like that...... for it was true he was really working very hard, and was also doing very well in his company. He had to travel quite a lot, and when he came back he was always too tired for anything. I tried to be understanding, made his favorite dishes whenever he was home, did not depend on him for each and everything, and did not give him the chance to complain. But the more I tried, the more crankier and disgusting he became.

After having been married to him for more than 20 years, I suddenly started to wonder if something was wrong with me ------- why do I blame him only, maybe I need to change myself. I  was literally killing myself mentally,  trying to figure out what was it that was not right about me.
Then one day,  Chandran came with the good news that, he was made the Director of the company, for the board was very pleased with his work. He was so excited and happy. He said, that the company was happy with way their business had increased, and to celebrate that, they had organised a party, and we were to attend that. That day, I saw my old Chandran who I had thought, I had lost forever.
He lifted me, and held me high and said he was able reach this position because of me. I was shocked to hear such nice words from him.....I was moved to tears,  hearing him say such lovely things, which were music to my ears.......... I loved him so much that words were inadequate to describe the joy I felt in his strong arms.......I thanked the Almighty for all that was happening at that particular moment.. I was not going to let this God sent happy moments to pass by. No point in brooding about the bitter past, for in the present everything was fine, and  we must be fully happy and enjoy the moment, without any resentment.

He immediately took me shopping, saying I deserved a new dress, and that he would love to help me in my selection of dress.  We had always shopped together till things started to go wrong  between us. Now he acted as if nothing was wrong between us, as if we had never fought. I was ready to let go, and I felt that maybe I was right to think that all the bitterness between us was caused by the tensions in his job.
Well, he took me to the best boutique in town, and helped me try various outfits, all of them so beautiful that, I didn't have the heart to leave any of them. Then when I wore the black shimmering dress, and came out to show him, he just kept staring at me, as if he was seeing me for the first time. It was indeed a beautiful dress, with a wide deep neck,  that highlighted my broad shoulders beautifully. It  had a gold lace wrap,  that had to be worn as a shawl/ stole, and gold sandals to match it. It was too good!
 The look in his eyes told me what I wanted to know, and  we asked the sales person to pack it. That indeed was one of my best days in a long long time. I decided to enjoy every bit of it. 
The change that came upon us was magical, and unbelievable, as if the bad period was just a pause in our relationship. What brought about this kind of drastic change, all of a sudden, why was I ready to accept this change without any thought?
I had no answers. I pushed all these silly questions from my mind,  wiped the slate clean, and looked forward to happy times ahead.

The day of the party arrived. Chandran was looking so handsome in  black suit, with the white shirt, and the beautiful tie I had bought for him as a birthday gift many years ago. We were all set to go ......

(To be continued)