The Key…Where is the Key?????

 (A Re- post)


The Car – That Car ! I couldn’t take my eyes of that car : it was a beauty beyond desciption. The colour, the contours, the sheen, the style, everything about it was so attractive. I was so happy and proud to be the owner of this magnificent car. It was a very special car with only one set of keys, for if it ever got lost no one could make a duplicate for it.

I let my imagination fly : now that I owned that car, such a special car, at that, it would give me the opportunity to show every body who I was and what I could do. Proud of all my achievements, proud of all the things I thought I was equipped with, I was raring to go. I opened my purse to take out that one and only key from it: but what HO !
There was no key in the purse !

I knew it had to be in the purse only, where I had kept it safely in a pouch. I did not panic, instead I emptied the entire contents of the purse and started my search again, but still the key could not be found. Then panic started setting in slowly : I became flustered, angry, insane with rage at having misplaced the key. May be I switched the hiding place, thinking that it would be safer some place else which I alone knew. But where?

Shoot ! How could I forget the place I had kept it for safe-keeping ?
 My mind was in a whirl, thinking about all possible places I could have kept it…..Oh, why couldn’t I remember anything at all. I looked everywhere , on the floor, near the car, anywhere and everywhere : I knew one thing for certain, I was going mad.

I spent hours searching, I asked whoever I met whether they couild help me find the key, but alas, nobody could, or would. I was all alone, seeing my dreams shattering right in front of me . I have now spent days, years of my life just looking at that car, which I believed was loaded with everything I wanted in life. I knew it was just a matter of time, and I would be zipping away in my car : I only had to find the key.

So here I was, stuck, neither being able to move forward, nor go in the reverse. I was in a real fix. All I could do was go round and round, and keep coming back to the same place with no solution to my problem.

Soon, I realised I was so obsessed with this car, that I was coming back to this earth, birth after rebirth, with only one goal: to find that key to my special, wonderful car loaded with all the goodies in it. Although, I have lost count of the many births I have taken, I was not in the least bothered: it was as if that car had trapped me forever with its beauty, and the immense possibilities it offered.

I kept asking everyone I met, the only question I knew : " can you show me a way to find the key to this unique car which belongs to me ? Different people came up with different ideas, and some joined me in the search, but just for a while, and got bored and left. People kept giving me only negative ideas. They said it would be impossible to find a key, literally lost in a haystack, and when the haystack itself was not to be found. If a thing was lost it was lost forever.

But I preferred to believe in the kind of people who told me never to give up my search, and be focused on my goal, and one day, they assured me I would find the key that I was searching for. Never a defeatist, those were the type of people I put my trust in.

Then there came a new breed of people who propagated the idea: "Fake it till you make it". Their theory was, if you didn’t have something, don’t keep on saying that you don’t have it : this would be sending a wrong and defeatist message to the Universe, which in turn would really make it happen. My, my ,my…… No way I was going to send out such a message to the Universe.

By now, I had become mentally deranged- I was willing to listen to any nonsense advocated by anybody. Soon, I changed my tactics : I started visualising that I had found the magic key to my car, and I was proudly driving on the road to success. I visualised that all my dreams and wishes had come true, and I was having a wonderful life with my car. Every time I saw the car, I would force myself to think such thoughts, till I had become adept at self-deception. I would waste precious time imagining the impossible, with the false confidence that "Fake it till you make it " really worked. That was my new mantra and I was not going to give up.

Years, and several reaincarnations passed by, with me nowhere near to finding the lost key. Sometimes I would feel very disappointed, but soon I would console myself with the newly learned art of self deception. This kept on repeating itself, until one day I could take it no more.

I knew in my heart that, one day, I was going to lick this problem which was eating away my whole life, life after life.

At this point in my life, I happened upon a very learned man, who was known far and wide for his vast knowledge and immense wisdom. I put to him my question. To which he replied that I would surely find the key, and would surely drive the car. But, he added - only when I was ready to drive. I explained to him that I was ready , able and willing to do just that for a long, long time, and that I had gone through so many births in this world, trying to find the key, so that I could drive off to glory in my wonderful car. I was ever ready, provided I knew where I had stashed away the key.

To that, he just smiled, and told me to think deeply, meditate upon my problem, and soon I would find my way to the key. I was disheartened and disillusioned with the Wise Crack. Here I was stuck in a quagmire, crying out for help, and all he could come up with was some crap called meditation. How was I to tell him I had tried everything, at sometiime or other, in some birth or the other, and found no light at the end of the tunnel ?

After, some deep thought and meditation, just as the wise man had suggested, in a flash, I realized that I did not want to own a car for which I had no key, however beautiful and tempting it might look from outside : without a key, it was as good as useless. It might be fully loaded, hi tech, sleek and snazzy : it had kept me enamoured, enchanted and entrapped with its beauty, with its false promises for too long : but I realized it was not for me.

Not for me a car whose keys could be lost, and not be found at all. With that car I would always live in fear of losing it some day. I looked at the car, and to me, it was a movie screen, with all my numerous births flashing past, mocking me, laughing at me all the while. I then understood, and regretted the many lifetimes I had wasted on it: It was time to say goodbye and good riddance.

At first I was gripped with fear at the thought of abandoning the thing I had most cherished, the object of my unceasing quest over several cycles of birth : but I had decided to take the plunge and just jump out of this circle of endless misery, forever.

I had to listen to my heart, my soul, which were both screaming at me in unison to jump off, but my mind was full of confusion, busy, drawing pictures of my doom all the while, scaring me all the more. The din created in my mind became louder and louder, beating ever more loudly the drums of disaster, and soon the voice of wisdom was almost lost. But I could still hear it feebly, from far away, begging me to jump. To do or not to do, that was the only question.

It was when I could no longer hear my heart’s call, that I suddenly decided to leave all worries behind, ignore the confused signals from my mind, and just for once do the right thing in my life.

As I plunged forward, it seemed like I was going nowhere, everything was suddenly so dark and gloomy, and I could feel myself shivering with fear. But, by and by, the darkness cleared, and so too the darkness in my mind, I could see everything clearly, I could see my past, present and my future, and I knew the path chosen by me was the right choice.

With my mind free of illusions, I landed on the other side safely. Now I felt totally free, and as I picked myself up and started forward, I spied a car -just a car, with no pretensions, no frills, no fancy colour to lure anybody, as if saying, " take me as I am, or leave me - the choice is yours". Dear reader, as you no doubt know by now I had had enough to do with any car, but still, old habits die hard. I went a little closer to to the car to have a quick peek. I liked what I saw: it had no key, it had just two gears, on one it was written, "Man Power" and on the other, "Divine Power".

I came, I saw, I conquered and in the instant I sat in the driver’s seat, I knew what had to be done: I shifted the gear from "Man Power" to "DIVINE POWER", and zoomed away to eternal bliss.

I simply love this blog. I know many of you must have already read it, however, I thought some of my new friends might like it, and so the re-post.

"All things are ready if our minds be so" - We found each other by pure serendipity! Part- 7 (the end)

                                                                                        In Spain
The brahminic rituals of the engagement ceremony having finally got over, the all clear  was sounded for refreshments  to be brought out by  caterers specially called in for the  occasion.  My father, usually a frugal and tight fisted person, chose to go against the grain  this one last time,  and the menu card bore ample testimony to his sudden change of heart.

                                                                   

 In good spirits and wanting to make small talk, my mother casually enquired of the boy’s aunt if the boy was given to smoking, drinking,  non-vegetarian food, etc.   To this, the aunt proudly declared, of course, he does all that : she had seen him on several occasions  in various parties with a drink in hand and a cigarette in the other as if she was describing  Humphrey Bogart and not her nephew. Beef was his favorite meat – “You know, like the Americans”, adding fuel to the already raging fire.

                                                       

Now as if these bombshells which she so casually threw at my mother were not enough,  even before my mother could recover from these shockers,  she threw a few more  at random for good measure.   She went on to add that all the men in their family smoked : and as for drinks she added,  even womenfolk in their family were not averse to taking a sip now and then, now and then,  now and then....   
Their penchant to party at the slightest excuse was  widely known : in card games played for very high stakes, no man in the family was a match for the women,  past masters of the art.

                                             

                                "No one ever knows when a person you meet suddenly

                                   becomes a part of your life whom you remember

                                   each and every moment. It all happens and

                                  only then you realize how important that person is for you".

  
Having thus breezily recounted the lifestyle and the family saga (of which I would soon be  part of),  she consoled my mother saying that she need have no worry – their family was very modern in their outlook and that, I would very quickly find my feet and be totally at home as had been the case with all the ladies who had married into the family – “ See how happy I am now”, biting into the melt in the mouth Mysore Pak.

Words cannot describe what my mother felt at that time. This was irony in the real sense: history repeating itself once again, only it was little too late.

 Now with more than four score people having witnessed the engagement, the date of marriage fixed,  the neighborhood too was finally letting out their combined sigh of relief in seeing me finally engaged,  (for they too had waited for so long to see me getting married),  how could she have said or done anything at that stage ?  
My mother revealed all these things to us  after all the invitees had left,  resigned to the fact that there was nothing much we could do now.

I must admit however that all things considered, the truth of the matter was that he had conquered all our hearts  and came out as a  solid dependable  person, who would be true to his vows of “till death do us part”.  The boy’s family was known to us and came well recommended :  it was a collective opinion and consensus in our family that we ought not to unnecessarily worry and make a fuss over  a non- issue.  It was as if fate was mocking at us at some level:  not that we were expecting to have these things written on his face, yet it was a shocker, for wasn’t it for the very same reason that the Army boy suitor was unceremoniously and summarily cashiered ?

 As a wise man said, 'looks can be very deceptive'.  Here I was marrying a man with similar habits, which I was happy to reject and be rejected a few days back. Was it love at first sight or was it fate,  I really don't know what to believe. That’s life I suppose!

          

 Be that as it may, the fact of the matter was I liked the boy, and we got married in two months’ time and it has now been 31 years from that fateful day.  We have had our share of ups and downs which all marriages have to go through with adjustments on his part and minor realignments on my part: bringing up children together, doing almost everything together learning from each other. We do go off track once in a while, but as long as we can patch up after a few days of solitary confinement in our respective rooms,  I feel we can confidently say our marriage has remained rock solid for the most part. I must admit, there were times I had seriously considered leaving him, and maybe such thoughts have occurred to him too, I don't know, for this is my story, and I can only speak for myself. As we all know, women are more emotional and impulsive by nature, they hurt easily without any rhyme or reason, but in my case, good sense always prevailed,  and made me realize the truth behind this lovely quote: "I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life". ~Rita Rudner

Yes, he smokes once in a while, he drinks at least thrice in a week and eats non veg whenever he gets an opportunity,  but only outside the home.  The point is he is not addicted to any of these things, for he can remain without them too for days and weeks.   I know it for a fact because he works from our home, and we are practically together all the time.

He is man from whom I have learnt lots of things, and he has been and would always be source of inspiration for me.  He gives me enough space to be what I want to be, and likewise I too have learnt to give him the space he needs.  Fighting and making up is all part and parcel of life,  making life all the more  spicy and interesting.

I have realized how paranoid one can become without knowing a person fully, and I still feel that my decision to marry him was right.  Somewhere a bell has to ring in your heart and in that instant you know that you have found the perfect match.

          

And here I would like to share with you another irony that happened, it was really very funny.  You see my father was always upset that I did not like any of the boys he brought home for us to select.  My cussedness in this matter irritated him no end :  Oftentimes in a fit of temper,  he would curse that I was fit only to get married to someone from the gutter. ( All Madrasis are no doubt familiar with the gutter curse – sakkadai ).

Truth to tell,  I did get married to a man who had specialized in Sewage and Wastewater Treatment which in layman’s term means a gutter engineer.  I suppose one should also think before cursing, because some curses may come true.   I am not complaining, for in this case obviously it came true in a positive way.

"Chance favors the prepared mind": consciously or unconsciously I had prepared my mind.  On the one hand I had reservations marrying a man who came earlier with similar traits  because I felt something was not right :  On the other, my husband with identical qualities and traits  seemed perfect to me  and made me take the plunge, to marry him without a second thought, because something within me made me feel he was the one meant for me. 

Shakespeare had said some 400 years ago in Act 4 of his play Henry V: "All things are ready if our minds be so".  We found each other by pure serendipity! 

How I Met My Husband......."Chance favors the prepared mind." Part- 6

Continuing my story: Be careful what you ask for, for you might really get it


I always have the habit of imagining things and day dreaming, building castles in the air.  It was and continues to be my favorite pastime.  In my dream world,  I am  everything that I am not in reality – mature, sophisticated, educated, cultured, witty, friendly and a warm person who gets along with everybody.  Well I am sure we all indulge in this kind of wishful dreaming. Which is good in a way up to a certain point.  Unbelievable as it might seem, that’s what happened in my life. I literally got what I had asked for..... but wait, before you jump with joy and relief, ( that at last the story is over) life has lots of twists and turns before it lets such things happen.

Not long after that day, my father did get a phone call from this man who introduced himself as a business man from Bombay.  He happened to be in Madras on some official work,  and while he was visiting one of his friends, he had come across my horoscope by chance. You  see this friend also had a son for whom my horosope was sent, but because his son got an offer of a job from the U.S. he had deferred the idea of marriage for the present.   So the 4 or 5 horoscopes that his parents has accumulated were promptly handed over to this business man from Bombay for his son who was of the same age.

 Of all the horoscopes thus in the hands of this businessman, only mine matched with his son’s.  So here he was asking my father whether he could come and meet us, ( just the way I had imagined) since he was returning to Bombay the next day. Now isn’t it surprising that such a thing should happen out of the blue ?  
Well wait till you hear the rest of the story and the other surprises which were in store for us.

The boy was an IIT graduate with a doctorate from the great and venerable United States of America. My father was over the moon and just could not believe his great good fortune.  He was absolutely thrilled, literally jumping with joy, and said  yes,  he  was most welcome to meet us anytime.  And  so this businessman along with the wife of his younger brother landed up in our place for initiating the formalities.  It transpired that out that his brother’s wife was of the family who were neighbours of my mother’s family many years ago in Triplicane in Madras.  Now Triplicane is the quintessential  Brahmin quarter in Madras (as is Mylapore) and it was therefore not surprising either that  the lady’s elder sisters were my mother’s friends from long ago.   As they say it is a small world indeed, which was especially true of the Iyengar Brahmin community.  My parents were happy that the people were known and  it would make things  so much easier to take forward.  The businessman was happy that things had turned out as they had. He said his son and his wife were planning to visit Madras in a week’s time for the very same purpose of viewing a few prospective brides and I would be included in the list.

 The day finally arrived when  the boy along with his parents was coming to see me.  I was in a daze, as though in a dream world,  since contrary to all previous experiences, things were going without a hitch as per my imagination in this case.  But at the back of my mind,  there was a constant fear that there could always be a slip between the cup and the lip.

The party arrived at the appointed time on a Friday, and were climbing the stairs leading up to our home on the first floor of the Besant Nagar colony where we lived.  I was looking out from the window,  to catch the first glimpse of the boy as he got off the car. But alas! the person I saw accompanying the business man, looked just like his father, only a little taller than him : you see that business man was only about 5ft tall.  All my hopes came crashing down, for despite his qualifications and other accomplishments,  I just could not imagine myself married to someone who was shorter than me.  Things are different today when even short men like Aamir Khan have so many women falling for them :  what with body building, physical fitness  and what not, etc., all men who are fit irrespective of their height look good and attractive.  But not so about thirty years ago. 

Coming back to my story,  I was in a a terrible fix now : why do such things always happen to me only?  

There was no rational answer to that question.  I was called in and introduced to everybody and  would you believe  that the person I thought was the boy was introduced to me as his uncle. Well there seemed to be no end to the miracles!  The boy, whom I had missed catching from my earlier spying,  actually was  nice, looked very decent , cultured, well-mannered and was nerdishly quiet and he was not short. There was something nice about him, about the way he smiled which endeared him to me.  I was commanded by my father (not by the Boy’s party) to play a tune on the guitar to display my various skills.  I was fed up singing songs and playing the guitar to every Tom, Dick and Harry. In fact I used to get pretty upset with my dad for making me do that every time even while the concerned people never really cared for such things. My father like most parents had to always show off his children’s talents.

  Now I was in a fix, for I had one favorite song,  which I was always ready to sing, whenever the request came from either the boy's party or from my father. Soon I was to notice that whenever I sang that song, the boy's party literally ran away, giving some vague reasons for not wanting to pursue the matter further. (the song: Na Tum Janu na Hum Jaane, a famous Hindi song picturized on Dev Anand and Wahida Rehaman). Don't get me wrong, I was not a bad singer, it was just superstition on my part, thinking that by singing that song, somehow the alliance would not click. ( For the bell in my heart never rang for any of those boys). 

I went in and came back with my guitar, and just decided to play some song and be done with the whole thing, I did not play the song that made people run away, for I liked this boy, and had no intention of losing him. However, I was very nervous, as I played another song in the guitar, for I had no idea whether it would do the magic, I had to take the risk... the song I played was the very famous,  romantic song of Guru Dutt, 'Chaudivin ka Chand'. This song is sung by a man to his lady love, but it was okay, for I was only playing it on the guitar.

After the so called music session, I left the room, only to be followed by my father. I told him, that I liked the boy. Relieved to hear no objections from me, he said, that he would inform them and leave it to them to move forward. (Probably he also  must have felt that, if we told them that we liked the boy, it might psychologically influence the boy also to decide favorably, now as you know one had to try all the tricks of the trade if one really wanted something very badly).
  As was the usual practice, the boy's side said they would let us know and left.

Anyway, within an hour,  we got a call from the boy's parents saying they also liked the girl and would like to take the matter further. They said that the boy wanted to have a word with the girl. Now knowing me very well, my father had strictly told me to keep my mouth shut, and only answer to the point. Anyway, I had no need to worry for the boy also seemed to be the "to the point case",  for he just asked me whether I was also satisfied with them, thereby leaving no room for anything more.

 My father as you all know, didn't want to let this fish from his net, decided it was better to have the engagement while they were there, so as to officially seal the deal, without further delay. It was decided that  the engagement would take place on the 24th of August a Sunday, itself for they were to leave  the same night by the night train to Bombay.

Did you'll notice one more thing, if things had not gone wrong with that Army guy, I would have been engaged to him two days earlier, instead,  just notice how things changed, I was to be engaged to another man just two days later.You get to see such things happen only in movies, or get to read them in some mushy novels, but it happened to me, it was something as they say 'stranger than fiction'.

The engagement went off very well without any hitch, to think my parents had to run around and make all the arrangements at such short notice.

Well, while the refreshments were being served, my mother got a chance to casually ask the boy's aunt, whether the boy was into drinking, smoking, and eating non-veg, bla bla bla..... and the aunt  threw a bomb, in fact threw many mini bombs .... saying......

This picture was taken in Portugal by a Photo Journalist, for she liked my bright colored dress very much and wanted to use it in some magazine showcasing Indian dress.

I know, I should have ended it here, but it has become too lengthy, so please bear with me I promise, I will finish my story in the next blog, for there is lots more to happen before that classic slip between the cup and the lip.
Thank you.

to be continued....

My never ending fascination for beautiful cloud formation and sunsets

                   


Every evening as I look out from our balcony, I find myself  witnessing different kinds of sunsets and cloud formations, each one of them unique and very beautiful.... I am always ready with my camera to shoot as many pictures as possible before the sun finally sets.
The Sun is a big show off, always teasing me, pretending to set, and always peeping from behind some awesome cloud, which is no less a show off..... both the Sun and the Clouds vying for attention, trying to out do each other, but never succeeding for both look equally beautiful and amazing....
Here are some pictures, you can see for yourself the drama they create each day:

Finally they are ready to say good bye...

I am grateful to the Universe for creating such amazing scenes for  us to witness everyday, day after day.
Do you ever look at nature and admire its beauty, what is your favorite, is it the Sun, moon, rivers, birds, the clouds  or the rain what is it, that keeps you hooked?
Please share  with me.

Its the month of Cakes & Candles It's December.. Wishing you Merry Christmas....

Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful. - Norman Vincent Peale

Even before Christmas has said Hello, it's saying 'Buy Buy'. - Robert Paul

One of the nice things about Christmas is that you can make people forget the past with a present. - Author Unknown

"I heard a bird sing
In the dark of December
A magical thing
And sweet to remember.

'We are nearer to Spring
Than we were in September,'
I heard a bird sing
In the dark of December."
- Oliver Herford, I Heard a Bird Sing

"God gave us our memories so that we might have roses in December."
- J. M. Barrie

"The best Christmas of all is the presence of a happy family all wrapped up with each other"

"Christmas candle is a lovely thing;It makes no noise at all,But softly gives itself away;

While quite unselfish, it grows small"

The sun is gone but I have light: Kurt Gobain

                                      

                                         May the closeness of friends, the comfort of home,
                                                and the unity of our nation,
                                                       renew your spirits this holiday season.                         

How I Met My Husband......A Strange thing happened... the story continues.... Part 5

After formally fixing up the engagement date to 24 of August 1980, everybody seemed to be happy. The Army boy and his parents left. I could see, how relieved my parents were, happy at the thought that their youngest daughter was finally getting married. However, I was feeling the opposite, I felt burdened, and totally depressed by the turn of events. I would have to tell them what the boy shared with me, I was sure once they knew, they would definitely not like to take it further, and would cancel the engagement.

But, before I could tell them anything, my uncle, who was in the movie business (part time cinematographer), came with some free tickets for a movie called "Shankarabaranam", which was all the rage at that time. Since, I was in no mood to go anywhere, I stayed back at home. I was alone in the house and my parents were expected to come back only by 11pm after the movie.

Around 10 pm, the phone rang and it was the Army fellow on the line. He said he was glad he got me on the line, as he had something important to tell me. He told me not to misunderstand him or get annoyed with him, as he was calling off the engagement. I just couldn't believe what I was hearing, was it real or was I dreaming....

Then he went on to explain, how while he was lighting a cigarette, he recollected the conversation we had, earlier that day, and how although I had not commented very strongly about my reservations about the things shared by him, he could not forget the look of dismay in my eyes.

It led him to think  that, although,  he had very gallantly promised that, he would give up these habits picked up by him, it suddenly struck him, as to what might happen if he failed to keep his promise. 

Since he was not sure he would be able to get over his weaknesses so easily, he felt it would not be right on his part to make me suffer. And therefore, he had conveyed to his parents, that he was not yet ready for marriage at the present time.

He went on to add that his mother was well and truly upset with him for having led everyone down the garden path : I believe she was so angry and livid with him that he had to leave his parent's home and seek temporary shelter at his brother's place from where he had made the call. He said he was very sorry for changing his mind, but hoped I would understand his decision which involved both of us.

Well you know I could not have been happier, for once again some supreme power had come to my rescue and saved me in the last minute. I really admired him for being so thoughtful and sensitive for we get to meet such people very rarely. I admired his strength in looking within himself and thinking deeply about the situation and coming to a mature decision. I am sure he is a happy man wherever he is.

My parents,  when told the news were quite devastated to see such things happening again and again,

however, life has to go on. Now there was not a single horoscope to pursue, and it looked like things had come to a stand still all of a sudden.We were all suddenly enveloped in that 'calm' that one feels before a tsunami.... a deadly calmness that could throw us off balance any moment. Although I was relieved, still I could not bear to see them so dejected in life.


It was at this time I let my imagination run loose. I imagined, that it would be so good if by some miracle, somebody just called up, saying they had come across my horoscope and it was matching, and could they come and meet us. I let my imagination run a little further, (no need to be stingy in this area) by imagining the boy to be a doctorate in engineering (that too from a well known university of America,  the craze for America must have caught on to me too, now don't ask me why....it could have been the effect of some mob mentality ....I really don't know)


I thought it would be so good, if we could just like each other without any reservations. Well as the saying goes, "Be careful what you ask for ... for you might just get it".
Well did  I get it?
Could such crazy imaginations ever be actualized?

We would have to wait and watch....
The blog is becoming too long and I need some time to put everything together, so I have to stop.
to be continued......

Cooking Up A Simple And Healthy Lunch

Today, the weather being cloudy and nice, I felt like making, some wholesome Biriyani with some Egg plant gravy dish which goes well with the Biriyani, and some Raita which is made with raw Cucumber, Tomatoes and Onion in yogurt.
This Biriyani  is made out of Brown rice with some Carrots, Peas, Cauliflower and some Onions and I topped it with some lightly fried Potatoes.
I sprinkled it with some Mint leaves and browned Onions: it really tastes good. Brown rice has a nice nutty flavor, and is also very good for health.

                                                    Try using brown rice it is really good.

The Egg plant dish has lightly fried  whole Egg plant, the small variety, in Tomato gravy, which  is a  perfect  accompaniment to Pulav, Biriyani, or just plain Rice. The Yogurt, with raw vegetables is another healthy addition to any  Indian meal.

Happy Healthy Eating!!!

Health and cheerfulness naturally beget each other. ~Joseph Addison

How I Met My Husband......."being on the horns of a dilemma" part 4

My parents were relieved, that at last their youngest daughter was finally getting married. I reluctantly said yes to this boy. The Army boy had left,  for he had just come on some official work, but his parents kept in touch with us through phone calls,  discussing the date for our engagement ceremony etc. etc. It was decided that it would take place on the 24th of August 1980. As the day kept coming closer and closer, I  got really worried and restless, I felt the classic shiver down my spine every time I thought about the boy and my marriage to him. I could not understand this fear building up inside me for no apparent reason. The boy was decent, his parents loved me, they were all well educated and cultured, yet why did I harbor such negative vibes, and felt something was not right, but I could not put my finger on it.

In the meantime, my parents went to Kanchivaram (a town famous for silk sarees), and bought all the wedding sarees for me as well as for others, they  were busy buying all the necessary things required for the wedding,  and people were informed about my engagement--- a big relief for them too as they were witness to almost all the alliances that had come my way, news has a way of spreading real fast.

I think one month must have passed, Oh! how quickly the month passed by, bringing me very close to my engagement day, making me dread every second of it.

At that point, I had lost all faith in life, I had no one who would understand what I felt, in fact even if I were to tell someone, they would just brush it off as pre-wedding  jitters. There seemed to be no escape, I was fully trapped. How could I tell my parents that, I just didn’t feel right about this man?

The bell was not ringing for this man in my heart.

They would want to know the reason, and I really didn’t know why I should not marry him.

The Army gang, along with the boy, came again to our house to discuss the various details regarding the engagement etc. At that time the boy’s mother suggested maybe the two of us should be left alone, so that we could get to know each other better. (bless her). So we just started sharing a few things about each other,  which was rather pleasant and nice, making me feel more confident about this man, and I chided myself for imagining the worst scenario for myself. He was really very good, with no airs, a really down to earth man. The more we talked, the more, I liked him, and all of a sudden, all my unfounded fears seemed to have vanished into thin air …. until,  he suddenly said he had certain unhealthy habits and that,  may be marriage would be just the thing  to give him the incentive to get rid of them. He started telling me about his addiction to cigarettes, and also his the habit of drinking, albeit only in parties (which I was sure were pretty frequent).  He attributed all these habits to being in the Army.  Life could be quite tough sometimes, filled with boredom and lonliness,  that’s what he said. I asked him whether he was a vegetarian, to which his answer was in the negative: he said he couldn’t do without eating non- veg, and then he described to me in detail how his father (who was a forest officer), his elder brother ( who was also in the Army ) and of course himself, would go hunting in the forest in a jeep at night times and kill some wild animal, make a fire right there and cook and eat  the poor creature.  He was so excited and seemed to be very proud of such adventures and accomplishments.

    To me all these things sounded very barbaric and inhuman.  I was shocked that I had said "yes" to such a person, for we were so very different from each other in every way.  The prospect of leading an unsettled and nomadic life in the Army, facing frequent separation, relocation, leading a nomadic life, having children whose education and schooling would perforce be disrupted frequently, and all the other accompanying problems, was daunting. (I had somehow brainwashed myself that they were nothing).  And to think, I would also have to live with his various vices (at least to my eyes), I somehow felt that things would not work out between the two of us.  He would be better off with somebody who was used to the kind of life he had just portrayed to me, for I know some people may find it fascinating, thrilling and challenging.  They might also like to accompany him on his trips to the jungle for hunting.  As the saying goes: "One man’s food is another’s poison."  Who was I to pass judgement? 

All I could only say that this man was not for me and could have no place in my life. I somehow felt, that I didn’t want to be involved with a man with so many issues to be resolved, and marriage would not be a solution to his problems. For him to change, the change would have to come  from within himself and not with the help of another person, and I did not want to make it my business to change him.

However, would I have the courage to speak about all this to my parents?

Why did I turn totally against him, for he was just being honest, nothing wrong in being honest, he was only confiding in me as a friend, and soon to become my companion? 

All these thoughts were haunting me, as I kept smiling and listening to him, with no expression on my face. I vaguely remember, his mom showing me a beautiful long antique necklace (the type that Bharatnatyam dancers wear), studded with rare and precious stones, saying she would present it to me during the wedding….. that it would go beautifully with the saree we had chosen for the main wedding…. how she was waiting for the day when they would have me as their daughter in law,  as she hugged me tightly.... and at that moment again my mind started sending me conflicting signals, for,  I felt how could I refuse to be a part of such a loving family….

I still had time to think it over, for the engagement was still about 15 days away.  Maybe I was being too negative about this whole issue, maybe after thinking over it calmly I might change my mind about this man, maybe he was not as bad as he portrayed himself to be.

What do you think, you would have done if you were in such a situation?

 Please think about it and give your honest opinion:  

Army Officer:

to marry or not to marry?

To be continued…………..