"All things are ready if our minds be so" - We found each other by pure serendipity! Part- 7 (the end)

                                                                                        In Spain
The brahminic rituals of the engagement ceremony having finally got over, the all clear  was sounded for refreshments  to be brought out by  caterers specially called in for the  occasion.  My father, usually a frugal and tight fisted person, chose to go against the grain  this one last time,  and the menu card bore ample testimony to his sudden change of heart.

                                                                   

 In good spirits and wanting to make small talk, my mother casually enquired of the boy’s aunt if the boy was given to smoking, drinking,  non-vegetarian food, etc.   To this, the aunt proudly declared, of course, he does all that : she had seen him on several occasions  in various parties with a drink in hand and a cigarette in the other as if she was describing  Humphrey Bogart and not her nephew. Beef was his favorite meat – “You know, like the Americans”, adding fuel to the already raging fire.

                                                       

Now as if these bombshells which she so casually threw at my mother were not enough,  even before my mother could recover from these shockers,  she threw a few more  at random for good measure.   She went on to add that all the men in their family smoked : and as for drinks she added,  even womenfolk in their family were not averse to taking a sip now and then, now and then,  now and then....   
Their penchant to party at the slightest excuse was  widely known : in card games played for very high stakes, no man in the family was a match for the women,  past masters of the art.

                                             

                                "No one ever knows when a person you meet suddenly

                                   becomes a part of your life whom you remember

                                   each and every moment. It all happens and

                                  only then you realize how important that person is for you".

  
Having thus breezily recounted the lifestyle and the family saga (of which I would soon be  part of),  she consoled my mother saying that she need have no worry – their family was very modern in their outlook and that, I would very quickly find my feet and be totally at home as had been the case with all the ladies who had married into the family – “ See how happy I am now”, biting into the melt in the mouth Mysore Pak.

Words cannot describe what my mother felt at that time. This was irony in the real sense: history repeating itself once again, only it was little too late.

 Now with more than four score people having witnessed the engagement, the date of marriage fixed,  the neighborhood too was finally letting out their combined sigh of relief in seeing me finally engaged,  (for they too had waited for so long to see me getting married),  how could she have said or done anything at that stage ?  
My mother revealed all these things to us  after all the invitees had left,  resigned to the fact that there was nothing much we could do now.

I must admit however that all things considered, the truth of the matter was that he had conquered all our hearts  and came out as a  solid dependable  person, who would be true to his vows of “till death do us part”.  The boy’s family was known to us and came well recommended :  it was a collective opinion and consensus in our family that we ought not to unnecessarily worry and make a fuss over  a non- issue.  It was as if fate was mocking at us at some level:  not that we were expecting to have these things written on his face, yet it was a shocker, for wasn’t it for the very same reason that the Army boy suitor was unceremoniously and summarily cashiered ?

 As a wise man said, 'looks can be very deceptive'.  Here I was marrying a man with similar habits, which I was happy to reject and be rejected a few days back. Was it love at first sight or was it fate,  I really don't know what to believe. That’s life I suppose!

          

 Be that as it may, the fact of the matter was I liked the boy, and we got married in two months’ time and it has now been 31 years from that fateful day.  We have had our share of ups and downs which all marriages have to go through with adjustments on his part and minor realignments on my part: bringing up children together, doing almost everything together learning from each other. We do go off track once in a while, but as long as we can patch up after a few days of solitary confinement in our respective rooms,  I feel we can confidently say our marriage has remained rock solid for the most part. I must admit, there were times I had seriously considered leaving him, and maybe such thoughts have occurred to him too, I don't know, for this is my story, and I can only speak for myself. As we all know, women are more emotional and impulsive by nature, they hurt easily without any rhyme or reason, but in my case, good sense always prevailed,  and made me realize the truth behind this lovely quote: "I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life". ~Rita Rudner

Yes, he smokes once in a while, he drinks at least thrice in a week and eats non veg whenever he gets an opportunity,  but only outside the home.  The point is he is not addicted to any of these things, for he can remain without them too for days and weeks.   I know it for a fact because he works from our home, and we are practically together all the time.

He is man from whom I have learnt lots of things, and he has been and would always be source of inspiration for me.  He gives me enough space to be what I want to be, and likewise I too have learnt to give him the space he needs.  Fighting and making up is all part and parcel of life,  making life all the more  spicy and interesting.

I have realized how paranoid one can become without knowing a person fully, and I still feel that my decision to marry him was right.  Somewhere a bell has to ring in your heart and in that instant you know that you have found the perfect match.

          

And here I would like to share with you another irony that happened, it was really very funny.  You see my father was always upset that I did not like any of the boys he brought home for us to select.  My cussedness in this matter irritated him no end :  Oftentimes in a fit of temper,  he would curse that I was fit only to get married to someone from the gutter. ( All Madrasis are no doubt familiar with the gutter curse – sakkadai ).

Truth to tell,  I did get married to a man who had specialized in Sewage and Wastewater Treatment which in layman’s term means a gutter engineer.  I suppose one should also think before cursing, because some curses may come true.   I am not complaining, for in this case obviously it came true in a positive way.

"Chance favors the prepared mind": consciously or unconsciously I had prepared my mind.  On the one hand I had reservations marrying a man who came earlier with similar traits  because I felt something was not right :  On the other, my husband with identical qualities and traits  seemed perfect to me  and made me take the plunge, to marry him without a second thought, because something within me made me feel he was the one meant for me. 

Shakespeare had said some 400 years ago in Act 4 of his play Henry V: "All things are ready if our minds be so".  We found each other by pure serendipity!