'F' For: Father, Dear Father!

                The greatest gift I ever had  Came from God; I call him Dad!  ~Author Unknown 

  

"Dad, there are some memories in life that remain for a short time while and others stick with you forever. All the times I've spent with you are going to be sweet memories for the rest of my life. Let's raise a toast today and celebrate the beginning of yet another wonderful year in your life and cherish memories that we can have forever".....

       He would always have a smile, and here he is smiling so nicely. (the photo is a bit blurred)

This post/re-post is for my father for he would be completing 91 years on the 15th of May.
I know it is still a few days away,  but, the letter 'F', was enough to make me think of my father, and I thought it would be good to share a few things about my father.

I have already shared this story with all my blogger friends a few years back, but I feel it is alright to share it once more.
So here I am sharing something interesting about my father....

 A  wedding in the family— I am excited for I hear my dad is coming to attend it. He is staying with me for a whole week— I can't believe it!

The minute he enters the house he starts chatting with us non- stop….. for there are so many things to ask, so many things to share etc. etc. He is a real store – house of knowledge …. we have to just ask him something, and he would give a detailed explanation, amazing us with his intelligence, sharp memory, and great sense of humour. He would go back to his younger days and relate all the stories of how he met and married my mother.

Those days marriage was not a matter of choice …. it involved marrying for various reasons. Marrying within the family was considered to be best option for everybody. For example if your father’s sister had 5 or 6 daughters to be married it is the duty of the father to bring home at least one of his sister’s daughter as his daughter- in- law, this way he was helping in reducing the burden from his sister’s shoulders. Similarly an uncle could marry his own niece.

 This was the custom followed for ages all over south, though now it is not so much in vogue, but still some people follow it . As long as it is not direct blood relation everything is okay. One can’t even think of such things these days.

Well, my father married his mother’s brother’s daughter, (which is my mother). According to him he was given the choice of marrying any 1 of the 2 daughters, who were suitable for his age. But he was in a dilemma, for both were good looking, and it was up to him to choose. So he changed the names of the girls in their horoscopes and also  changed his name in his horoscope, (because everybody knew everybody, the astrologer would not even bother to match horoscopes when it is in the family), so my father cheated a little and made him match the horoscope saying it was for a friend. Of the two only one matched, which happened to be my mother’s horoscope, and thus the choice was made. Another distant cousin married the elder daughter, in fact both my father and his cousin married the respective girls on the same day to save money. That was the way things were done in those days, one had to keep everything in the mind.

 But, although my parents remained happily married for 49 years, they were the sort of couple who could never see eye to eye on any issue, and since my father had the dominating streak, what he said only prevailed. My mother although loved him deeply, she hated this attitude. He had jokingly revealed to her, how he made the choice of marrying her, and whenever my mother happened to meet that astrologer, she would tell him that she felt like tying him to pole and give him 100 whip lashes.

 My parents life was full of ups and downs. Whenever my parents did get along, my mother would ask my father, to tell her the truth ….. that he married her because he fell for her, and he would always tell her it was not love. Now he is all alone, and he feels bad that he never told her how much he loved her.  He said he could have told her that at least once, but he was too proud to admit that to her.

But I am sure she must have guessed it long time ago, but simply wanted to know right from the horse’s mouth.  Now he feels her loss so much, that he would keep going back to the days when they were really happy, and he says they were made for each other despite their differences, that  the universe works in mysterious ways, though he thought at that time he could choose between the 2 sisters, and tried to hoodwink the astrologer, he must have known deep in his heart that it was my mother he always wanted to marry.

 This, coming from my father, now when my mother is no longer here to feel happy to hear it, was really moving.  However, this is not the first time I am hearing him say this, for I have heard this story many times from him, but only after my mother passed away, which was  almost 21 years ago. 
The moral of the story:

Don't wait until it's too late to tell someone how much you love and how much you care about them, Because when they're gone, no matter how loud you shout and cry, they won't hear you anymore. Well, this is just one interesting story about my father and mother, there are many, many more, but it would take volumes to write about each every interesting facets of their turbulent lives together.

Accidents and my father are made for each other, but he would never let such incidents bother him. He would pick himself up from the scene of accident, and bleeding all over, he would be back home in the same moped. Being a Pharmacy graduate he would know what medicines to apply and within 2/3 days he would be back to normal, with not even a single mark or scar to show how badly he was hurt.

Many times he has got hit by  somebody while he was travelling in his moped, left there in the middle of the road, to deal with it all by himself, and as usual he has got back on his feet and  come home riding the moped with lot of pain everywhere in his body, saying as usual, that, his time was not alright that he must have troubled the fellow who hit him and went off,  in some previous birth, and that it is all part of the game.......

Surprisingly not a single person has ever helped him during such accidents. Somehow God has given him the strength to pull himself up and keep moving without looking back. 

He can still walk faster than any of us, and would always take the stairs instead of the lift.
 He still likes to have everything under his control, like his finances, his freedom to live life on his own terms, and that dominating streak has still not left him, putting him into lot of trouble, unnecessarily.

                       This picture was taken last year when he had come to visit us

  I can only say that, I am proud to have had such a loving and patient mother, and I am equally proud to have such a wonderful father, who, may have been very proud at one time and still is  but is definitely a man with a very good heart and a great smile.   He has made it clear to us that after his death, he wants us to donate his body to the hospital for research purposes. I am sure he would be a good candidate for this purpose, for he has never had any surgery, he has never been seriously ill, in fact there are lots of stipulations for a  body donor but I am sure, he would be eligible.  He must have thought about these things and must be fully aware of the requirements: so if that is his wish, let it be granted.
He keeps saying, : I am waiting for the battery to go off any time.....

                                                       Appa you look so good

 He looks the same even after almost 4 years (this picture was taken at our daughter's wedding reception). The lady on the left is my elder sister.

Happy Birthday Day Dear Appa!

Sridhar- My Brother & My Father And His Dilemma

This is about my brother Sridhar whom I have never met.  Yet I don't know why I am so fond of him.  I have only seen his photographs, and heard so much about him from my father and my mother.  No matter how many times I hear about him, it never fails to move me to tears.

 This is the story of my brother, Sridhar.  He was the third child born to my parents.  He was beautiful as a child, dearly loved by my parents and his elder siblings.  One cannot blame my parents for loving  him so much, more than they loved their other children. But nobody complained for he was loved by the whole family.

  He was very happy, till came the time for his separation from his beloved family.  My parents were constantly troubled by the frequent transfers that my father's army job entailed.  So my father decided to leave the children in one place, so that their schooling would not be disrupted constantly.  My maternal grandmother was living in Madras with her other children.  It was decided that  my elder sister would be left under her care, and was admitted in a good school there.  My father also felt that by sending money for the education and the upkeep of his daughter, he would also in a way lighten the strain on my grandmother's financial position at that time.  He wanted to help her in some way, without making it look obivious. (that granny being his own aunt - my father had married his own cousin)

 Now the two boys , that is my my elder brother Patcha and the younger Sridhar were sent to live with my father's elder sister, who was also struggling to make ends meet, having lost her husband at a young age.  She was also living alone in Madras at that time.  So the boys were entrusted to her care.

 My father now thought he had done a fine job by leaving his kids in responsible hands, and that, at the same time,  the money sent for their upkeep would also indirectly help his needy kin.  My mother, as usual was not happy, and she criticised my father, saying that, he always did things with ulterior motives.  But she could also appreciate and understand the difficulties the children were having to face, with their constant moving.  But a mother's love for her kids cannot be felt in equal measure by the man.  Therefore, for all practical reasons my mother had to give in.

  Things were going well for the first 2 years : the children had settled in their respective homes.  My mother had another baby girl, who was now about a year old.  My parents would visit my sister and my brothers during the summer.  Everytime they came visiting, my brother Sridhar would beg them to take him away with them, promising he would never trouble them in any way. With a heavy heart , they had to leave him behind after every visit.  The little baby girl was so cute with curly hair and beautiful eyes, that my brother was totally in love with that baby doll.  He would play with her, look at her with amazement, and would keep asking my mother how come she looked so beautiful and adorable. Again he would start begging them to take him along with them, now that he had such a lovely fairy like sister to play with.

 However his pleadings and entreaties had to be refused gently yet firmly.  My father was really moved by the compulsions that life had put him through, but also mindful of his childrens' future and welfare, he had to turn his heart to stone.  
The time had finally come for my parents to say good bye, but before leaving, my father took both my brothers to a toy shop and asked them to take whatever they wanted. My elder brother said he wanted the whole shop, for he liked everything in it.   Sridhar, on the other hand held my father's hand tightly saying, he did not want any toys, he wanted only his appa, amma and his baby sister, and he wanted to go home with them. "Take me with you, take me with you", he started crying miserably.  After pacifying him with great difficulty, promising to take all of them back with him on his next visit, my father left for Bombay with my mother and the baby girl,(my sister).  He could not bear the idea of his children living away from him any longer---- he could not see the pain in his wife's eyes anymore, he would soon make arrangements to take them back with him.

 A month later, my parents got the news that Sridhar was seriously ill, with high fever, and had been admitted in the hospital.  My aunt sent word to my father to come to Madras immediately.  Before they could even board the plane there was another telegram saying that Sridhar was sinking rapidly. By the time they reached Madras, their beloved son had already left this world. Sridhar was diagonised as having meningitis, and since he was so young, just 9 years old, he could not survive the severe attack.

 It is totally unthinkable, the kind of pain the child must have gone through, both physical as well as mental, in not having his mother and father beside him, comforting him, with their tender touch, and showering him with the love he constantly yearned for. 
 My father had tears in his eyes as he described the softness of his child's hand .....as if he was not dead, but just sleeping soundly....and  any time now he would wake up from his slumber, jumping and cry with joy " appa you have come to take me home with you."  It was the most unforgettable event in my parents life, and the most unforgivable, an event that must have haunted my mother till her death and is still haunting my father.

 What he did was probably right at that time. Still, one cannot stop thinking and wondering perhaps if Sridhar had not been left in the care of others, maybe, my brother would still be alive this day.  Or even if he were to die he would have died under our care. It must have had such an impact on all of us in some sub-conscious level, I literally shudder thinking about it. Though we all move on in life, somewhere the impact has left a  deep scar in us, and every once in a while it bleeds.

 This story has been told by parents to me so many times, that it almost makes me feel as if I know this brother of mine very closely. I was born three years after his death, and when I was conceived, my mother had great hopes that, Sridhar would be born again, and this time nobody would ever be able to separate him from her. But alas, my parents were disappointed- they were not to have their son reborn, and I came into this world instead.  In this life time they were not destined to see their lost son again.  Whenever my father relates this story of my brother and, relives the pain, we all  have unshed tears in our eyes.

I thought, I must write about my dear sweet brother who may have left this world years ago, but is still living in our hearts.

This is also a tribute to my parents, who had to go through all kinds of difficult situations in life, making tough choices, some of them really heart wrenching. 

In fact it is a tribute to all parents who have plunged in wholeheartedly, into to totally uncharted waters just so  that their children were happy at any cost.
This story, brings out the sacrifice, the hardships, that many parents have gone through, in many different ways to be the best parents. Parents do things for their children, not with any expectation from them, they just do it because they are parents and love their children, unconditionally.

Happy Father's Day (Parents day)To All!!
           
 (Re-posted)

The greatest gift I ever had, Came from God; I call him Dad!

A  wedding in the family--- I am excited for I hear my dad is coming to attend it. He is staying with me for a whole week--- I can't believe it!

  The minute he enters the house he starts chatting with us non- stop..... for there are so many things to ask , so many things to share etc. etc. He is a real store - house of knowledge .... we have to just ask him something, and he would give a detailed explanation, amazing us with his intelligence, sharp memory, and great sense of humour. He would go back to his younger days and relate all the stories of how he met and married my mother.

 Those days marriage was not a matter of choice .... it involved marrying for various reasons. Marrying within the family was considered to be best option for everybody. For example if your father's sister had 5 or 6 daughters to be married it is the duty of the father to bring home atleast one of his sister's daughter as his daughter- in- law, this way he was helping in reducing the burden from his sister's shouders. Similarly an uncle could marry his own neice. This was the custom followed for ages all over south, though now it is not so much in vogue, but still some people follow it . As long as it is not direct blood relation everything is ok. One can't even think of such things these days.

Well my father married his mother's brother's daughter, ( which is my mother). According to him he was given the choice of marrying any 1 of the 2 daughters, who were suitable for his age. But he was in a dilemma, for both were good looking, and it was upto him to choose. So he changed the names of the girls in their horoscopes and also  changed his name in his horoscope, ( because everybody knew everybody, the astrologer would not even bother to match horoscopes when it is in the family), so my father cheated a little and made him match the horoscope saying it was for a friend. Of the two only one matched, which happened to be my mother's horoscope, and thus the choice was made. Another distant cousin married the elder daughter, infact both my father and his cousin married the respective girls on the same day to save money. That was the way things were done in those days , one had to keep everything in the mind.

 But, although my parents remained happily married for 49 years, they were the sort of couple who could never see eye to eye on any issue, and since my father had the dominating streak, what he said only prevailed. My mother although loved him deeply, she hated this attitude. He had jokingly revealed to her, how he made the choice of marrying her, and whenever my mother happened to meet that astrologer, she would tell him that she felt like tying him to pole and give him 100 whip lashes.

 My parents life was full of ups and downs. Whenever my parents did get along, my mother would ask my father, to tell her the truth ..... that he married her because he fell for her,  and he would always tell her it was not love. Now he is all alone, and he feels bad that he never told her how much he loved her.  He said he could have told her that atleast once, but he was too proud to admit that to her.

But I am sure she must have guessed it long time ago, but simply wanted to know right from the horse's mouth.  Now he feels her loss so much, that he would keep going back to the days when they were really happy, and he says they were made for each other despite their differences, that  the universe works in mysterious ways, though he thought at that time he could choose between the 2 sisters, and tried to hoodwink the astrologer, he must have known deep in his heart that it was my mother he always wanted to marry.

 This, coming from my father, now when my mother is no longer here to feel happy to hear it, was really moving.  However this is not the first time I am hearing him say this, for I have heard this story many times from him, but only after my mother passed away, which was 15 years ago.

I simply love my dad ( he is 89 years). He is very active and healthy even now.

 Well, this is just one interesting story about my father and mother, there are many, many more, but it would take volumes to write about each every interesting facets of their turbulent lives together.  I can only say that, I am proud to have had such a loving and patient mother, and I am equally proud to have a such a wonderful father, who, may have been very proud at one time,  but is definitely a man with very good heart and a great smile.



If you love someone, tell them don't be afraid or too proud to admit your love to them.