Saturday, July 24, 2010

The greatest gift I ever had, Came from God; I call him Dad!

A  wedding in the family--- I am excited for I hear my dad is coming to attend it. He is staying with me for a whole week--- I can't believe it!
  The minute he enters the house he starts chatting with us non- stop..... for there are so many things to ask , so many things to share etc. etc. He is a real store - house of knowledge .... we have to just ask him something, and he would give a detailed explanation, amazing us with his intelligence, sharp memory, and great sense of humour. He would go back to his younger days and relate all the stories of how he met and married my mother.
 Those days marriage was not a matter of choice .... it involved marrying for various reasons. Marrying within the family was considered to be best option for everybody. For example if your father's sister had 5 or 6 daughters to be married it is the duty of the father to bring home atleast one of his sister's daughter as his daughter- in- law, this way he was helping in reducing the burden from his sister's shouders. Similarly an uncle could marry his own neice. This was the custom followed for ages all over south, though now it is not so much in vogue, but still some people follow it . As long as it is not direct blood relation everything is ok. One can't even think of such things these days.
Well my father married his mother's brother's daughter, ( which is my mother). According to him he was given the choice of marrying any 1 of the 2 daughters, who were suitable for his age. But he was in a dilemma, for both were good looking, and it was upto him to choose. So he changed the names of the girls in their horoscopes and also  changed his name in his horoscope, ( because everybody knew everybody, the astrologer would not even bother to match horoscopes when it is in the family), so my father cheated a little and made him match the horoscope saying it was for a friend. Of the two only one matched, which happened to be my mother's horoscope, and thus the choice was made. Another distant cousin married the elder daughter, infact both my father and his cousin married the respective girls on the same day to save money. That was the way things were done in those days , one had to keep everything in the mind.
 But, although my parents remained happily married for 49 years, they were the sort of couple who could never see eye to eye on any issue, and since my father had the dominating streak, what he said only prevailed. My mother although loved him deeply, she hated this attitude. He had jokingly revealed to her, how he made the choice of marrying her, and whenever my mother happened to meet that astrologer, she would tell him that she felt like tying him to pole and give him 100 whip lashes.
 My parents life was full of ups and downs. Whenever my parents did get along, my mother would ask my father, to tell her the truth ..... that he married her because he fell for her,  and he would always tell her it was not love. Now he is all alone, and he feels bad that he never told her how much he loved her.  He said he could have told her that atleast once, but he was too proud to admit that to her.
But I am sure she must have guessed it long time ago, but simply wanted to know right from the horse's mouth.  Now he feels her loss so much, that he would keep going back to the days when they were really happy, and he says they were made for each other despite their differences, that  the universe works in mysterious ways, though he thought at that time he could choose between the 2 sisters, and tried to hoodwink the astrologer, he must have known deep in his heart that it was my mother he always wanted to marry.
 This, coming from my father, now when my mother is no longer here to feel happy to hear it, was really moving.  However this is not the first time I am hearing him say this, for I have heard this story many times from him, but only after my mother passed away, which was 15 years ago.
I simply love my dad ( he is 89 years). He is very active and healthy even now.
 Well, this is just one interesting story about my father and mother, there are many, many more, but it would take volumes to write about each every interesting facets of their turbulent lives together.  I can only say that, I am proud to have had such a loving and patient mother, and I am equally proud to have a such a wonderful father, who, may have been very proud at one time,  but is definitely a man with very good heart and a great smile.

If you love someone, tell them don't be afraid or too proud to admit your love to them.


  1. wow! this is so interesting! everything was so different back when you were a kid! thanks for sharing!

  2. Most men do not express their love for their partners in so many words.. and this trait always leaves a doubt on their partners' mind if they have any love/care for them!

    I am beginning to realise this... after reading your post!

    Long live your dad.

  3. Hi Rama. That's a sweet blogpost and lovely to hear your father is going strong at 89 (as is my mother at the same age). I think my father was probably very similar to yours, a fund of interesting stories, a phenomenal memory and one of the most knowledgeable people I ever met. He used to read constantly and it was like having a living library in the house. When he died five years ago I lost something I couldn't replace. But thank heavens he was with us for 79 years, I count myself so lucky.

  4. what a beautiful post yar...wonderful...and convey our rgds to yr dad..

  5. Nice to know a little about you! Have fun with your dad. :)

  6. Thanks a lot for stopping bye and wishing my father well. Rama.

  7. Hi Rama:)

    This is a very interesting story about your father and mother that their marriage lasted for a period of 49 years although they they had differences of opinion.

    I was shocked to read in the news papers that Al Gore and his wife separated after many decades of marriage. Soon after his daughter also separated.In the present days things are quite difficult when the married partners don't get along.

    I am amazed to read that your father is a store house of knowledge and quite active even at this ripe old age. May God bless him and give him a long life of healthy happy life.

    This post reminded me of my own father who passed away at the age of 67. The last time I met him was in 1967 June. When I departed from his house, he stood outside and waved to me till I was out of sight. As I was walking, a thought came to me that I should have hugged him before I left. Within a month he died of heart attack. I was not at his bedside and I am the eldest son. Many times I think of this and I am overcome with remorse and regret. But now is too late. I can only think about it and grieve and feel sorry for myself.

    I enjoyed reading your interesting post. The photo is good. I can see your father sitting erect with dignity. I can also see a small coconut tree in the back ground full of coconuts.

    Best wishes Rama:)

  8. Guess most dads are the same, in terms of expressing their love & care. My dad can't stay a day without my mom, but when together mostly criticizes her, rarely appreciates. I wish they knew how to respond to their better half's yearning for love, coz tomorrow might be too late. Wishing your dad a long and healthy life! And yes, however it is they're packaged, they are God's gift to us.

  9. Hey that was a heart felt post. Great to know your dad through your blog. May you have many many more happy years with him.

  10. That was a beautiful post.
    It was almost like reading about my parents!
    God bless your Dad with a healthy long life!

  11. Very well written. You started in a humorous way but ended in a sad and serious note. I am sorry about your mother. Wish your dad well.

    While reading the marriage customs in South India, I was thinking of two posts I wrote on Sept 13 and Sept 16 last year. Random Thoughts About Marriage (Part l and 2). I am sure you will like them. Pls let me know after you read both of them. Thanks.

  12. That is nice post Rama. Your father is 89, wow and he still does so much talking. Thats amazing for his age. Wish him many more such lovely years.

    Thanks for stopping by my space. Love to see more blogs from you and more comments on mine :)

  13. Nice post. Nice that you have your dad around . And ( touch wood) healthy ! Spend all the time with him. I share your happiness, but am a little envious too!!
    And thanks for dropping by at my blog.

  14. Very lucky of you! Your Dad is 89 and still so hale & hearty. That's a rare thing. Make the most of the togetherness.

  15. Touched. By this post and by the bond you share with your father. From the photograph, he does look like a man with a sense of humour, memory, sharp intellect, a good posture and most of all enthusiasm for life. Hope he stays that way, healthy and happy.

  16. Rama,

    Personally I find it very difficult to reveal family stories on the blog. I am moved by your honesty in articulating the story of your parents.

    Marriage is a difficult institution and especially when it is an arranged one. Indian culture and so called values can make marriage very difficult.

    Personally I think (I could be wrong), what you see as your parents' interaction towards each other can be just a display in front of children. Reality might be different.

  17. Hi ..its a sweet post. u made me remember my lovely moments with my dad during my childhood ;but somehow after marraige and a kid,we have lost that utmost closeleness what we had before.we have a uncovered farthness bw us , unexplained!

  18. Zephyr Cybernag:
    I am reading this two years after it was posted because something about it drew me to it. How we love our parents and how they love(d) each other! I am touched by the fact that your father regrets not having said he loved your mother. I am sure he tells her a million times now and she hears him too :)

    But you are right, we should not put off saying the magic words to our loved ones when we have the time.