Thursday, May 9, 2013

'F' For: Father, Dear Father!

                The greatest gift I ever had  Came from God; I call him Dad!  ~Author Unknown 

"Dad, there are some memories in life that remain for a short time while and others stick with you forever. All the times I've spent with you are going to be sweet memories for the rest of my life. Let's raise a toast today and celebrate the beginning of yet another wonderful year in your life and cherish memories that we can have forever".....

       He would always have a smile, and here he is smiling so nicely. (the photo is a bit blurred)

This post/re-post is for my father for he would be completing 91 years on the 15th of May.

I know it is still a few days away,  but, the letter 'F', was enough to make me think of my father, and I thought it would be good to share a few things about my father.

I have already shared this story with all my blogger friends a few years back, but I feel it is alright to share it once more.
So here I am sharing something interesting about my father....

 A  wedding in the family— I am excited for I hear my dad is coming to attend it. He is staying with me for a whole week— I can't believe it!

The minute he enters the house he starts chatting with us non- stop….. for there are so many things to ask, so many things to share etc. etc. He is a real store – house of knowledge …. we have to just ask him something, and he would give a detailed explanation, amazing us with his intelligence, sharp memory, and great sense of humour. He would go back to his younger days and relate all the stories of how he met and married my mother.

Those days marriage was not a matter of choice …. it involved marrying for various reasons. Marrying within the family was considered to be best option for everybody. For example if your father’s sister had 5 or 6 daughters to be married it is the duty of the father to bring home at least one of his sister’s daughter as his daughter- in- law, this way he was helping in reducing the burden from his sister’s shoulders. Similarly an uncle could marry his own niece.
 This was the custom followed for ages all over south, though now it is not so much in vogue, but still some people follow it . As long as it is not direct blood relation everything is okay. One can’t even think of such things these days.

Well, my father married his mother’s brother’s daughter, (which is my mother). According to him he was given the choice of marrying any 1 of the 2 daughters, who were suitable for his age. But he was in a dilemma, for both were good looking, and it was up to him to choose. So he changed the names of the girls in their horoscopes and also  changed his name in his horoscope, (because everybody knew everybody, the astrologer would not even bother to match horoscopes when it is in the family), so my father cheated a little and made him match the horoscope saying it was for a friend. Of the two only one matched, which happened to be my mother’s horoscope, and thus the choice was made. Another distant cousin married the elder daughter, in fact both my father and his cousin married the respective girls on the same day to save money. That was the way things were done in those days, one had to keep everything in the mind.

 But, although my parents remained happily married for 49 years, they were the sort of couple who could never see eye to eye on any issue, and since my father had the dominating streak, what he said only prevailed. My mother although loved him deeply, she hated this attitude. He had jokingly revealed to her, how he made the choice of marrying her, and whenever my mother happened to meet that astrologer, she would tell him that she felt like tying him to pole and give him 100 whip lashes.

 My parents life was full of ups and downs. Whenever my parents did get along, my mother would ask my father, to tell her the truth ….. that he married her because he fell for her, and he would always tell her it was not love. Now he is all alone, and he feels bad that he never told her how much he loved her.  He said he could have told her that at least once, but he was too proud to admit that to her.
But I am sure she must have guessed it long time ago, but simply wanted to know right from the horse’s mouth.  Now he feels her loss so much, that he would keep going back to the days when they were really happy, and he says they were made for each other despite their differences, that  the universe works in mysterious ways, though he thought at that time he could choose between the 2 sisters, and tried to hoodwink the astrologer, he must have known deep in his heart that it was my mother he always wanted to marry.

 This, coming from my father, now when my mother is no longer here to feel happy to hear it, was really moving.  However, this is not the first time I am hearing him say this, for I have heard this story many times from him, but only after my mother passed away, which was  almost 21 years ago. 
The moral of the story:

Don't wait until it's too late to tell someone how much you love and how much you care about them, Because when they're gone, no matter how loud you shout and cry, they won't hear you anymore. Well, this is just one interesting story about my father and mother, there are many, many more, but it would take volumes to write about each every interesting facets of their turbulent lives together.

Accidents and my father are made for each other, but he would never let such incidents bother him. He would pick himself up from the scene of accident, and bleeding all over, he would be back home in the same moped. Being a Pharmacy graduate he would know what medicines to apply and within 2/3 days he would be back to normal, with not even a single mark or scar to show how badly he was hurt.

Many times he has got hit by  somebody while he was travelling in his moped, left there in the middle of the road, to deal with it all by himself, and as usual he has got back on his feet and  come home riding the moped with lot of pain everywhere in his body, saying as usual, that, his time was not alright that he must have troubled the fellow who hit him and went off,  in some previous birth, and that it is all part of the game.......

Surprisingly not a single person has ever helped him during such accidents. Somehow God has given him the strength to pull himself up and keep moving without looking back. 

He can still walk faster than any of us, and would always take the stairs instead of the lift.
 He still likes to have everything under his control, like his finances, his freedom to live life on his own terms, and that dominating streak has still not left him, putting him into lot of trouble, unnecessarily.

                       This picture was taken last year when he had come to visit us

  I can only say that, I am proud to have had such a loving and patient mother, and I am equally proud to have such a wonderful father, who, may have been very proud at one time and still is  but is definitely a man with a very good heart and a great smile.   He has made it clear to us that after his death, he wants us to donate his body to the hospital for research purposes. I am sure he would be a good candidate for this purpose, for he has never had any surgery, he has never been seriously ill, in fact there are lots of stipulations for a  body donor but I am sure, he would be eligible.  He must have thought about these things and must be fully aware of the requirements: so if that is his wish, let it be granted.
He keeps saying, : I am waiting for the battery to go off any time.....
                                                       Appa you look so good
 He looks the same even after almost 4 years (this picture was taken at our daughter's wedding reception). The lady on the left is my elder sister.

Happy Birthday Day Dear Appa!


  1. A very sweet post, Rama. I remember reading this post, but not it again. And yes, expressing your love is very important :) A very Happy Birthday to your dearest dad. Btw, my son's birthday is on the 14th :)

    1. Thanks Latha.
      But I don't think you could have read it when I first published it here, for at that time I didn't even know you.
      Please convey my best wishes to your son on the 14th of May.

  2. Happy Happy Birthday to Appa Rama! and as always you narrated it so well and touched our hearts. Sure Amma would have known that he loved her deep down and must have smiled at his arrogance to admit it :-). Please greet him on our behalf :-).

    1. Thanks Shanthi, my mom would have known, but still not being able to make him admit it must have hurt her a little bit. We all go through the same thing, often most men are too shy or too proud to admit such simple things to the people whom they dearly care.

  3. Happy birthday to you father, Rama, does he know how lucky he is with his daughter?

    1. Thanks Jerry for your wishes. I feel that I am the lucky one to be his daughter.
      I am sure your daughters too feel the same love and respect for you.

  4. Our best wishes and namaskaarams to your father, Rama! He must have been a great person. We can see how much you admire him! Great!

  5. My best wishes for your appa, a lovely person indeed. He is also lucky to have a loving caring daughter like you. Enjoy his stay and take lots of pics to share:-)

    1. Thanks padmaja. He is not here with me, this is a re post.

  6. What a wonderful acknowledgment of gratitude, respect and admiration for your father. Enjoyed knowing a bit about your father!!
    Happy birthday to your dad, in advance! :)
    Wishing him many more years of good health and happiness :)

  7. Birthday wishes to your dear Father..So humble he looks..He does resemble and makes me reminisce about my grandpa.

  8. That's a very sweet post Rama... I remember reading about your parent's wedding. I feel fathers and daughters share a special bond, enjoy the time you get to spend with him, for it will undoubtedly be a source of more warm memories...
    Wish him many more years of sunshine and smiles :)

    1. Thanks for your kind wishes Reshma

  9. very sweet rama.and it looks like earlier all marriages were same..stable inspite of having any discontent:)

    Wishing your father a very happy Bday!

    1. That's true Renu. Thanks for your wishes.

  10. A post that is I'm certain the right one to read first in the morning . Refreshing and full of cherished memories.
    Yes its true that we miss people when they are gone, more than ever.
    You said it right about expressing love and affection when it has to be expressed.

    1. Very true Anil. I wish I had told my mother, how I loved her too. We become so wrapped in our own small world, and let things remain unsaid,and regret it later on.

  11. Nice to see your blog. Thanks for your visit to my architecture blog. Pls feel free to visit