Friday, January 11, 2013

Break From The Past: Helpless (part 9)


I must have lost consciousness, for when I came to, I only had a vague remembrance of the things that were happening around me.  Chandran was sprinkling water over my face, and I could hear him call out my name several times ….. but wait a second! what is this ? 
Though words were forming in my mouth, no sound as emanating ….why couldn’t I speak damn it ?  
Have I suddenly become dumb? I was confused ……and what had happened to my hand ? 
I could not move it the way I wanted it to move.  Something was terribly wrong with me, and then I heard a man, may be a doctor, telling my husband that it appeared to be a stroke, that I should be taken to a hospital immediately.  Soon I was in the hospital, surrounded by doctors, nurses, emergency technicians, ward boys.. The doctors seemed to be totally baffled, as the various test results showed  nothing that was wrong with me : I had no diabetes, blood pressure, or high cholesterol for that matter, and I had no symptoms of headache or anything, prior to the stroke . But stroke it was : my speech, and all movements on the right side was paralyzed. I was shocked when I heard the diagnosis.
 However,  the doctors were still trying to find out the reason for the stroke.   Luckily, after a few more tests, surgery was ruled out, I was on drips and some drugs were given to me on regular basis to dissolve the clot.  Apparently, a clot had occurred somewhere in my leg,  which had traveled to my brain and had again traveled down to lodge itself in the left side of my throat region : which was why the paralysis had occurred on the right side of my body,  and that was the reason I lost my speech, and had lost all movement on my right side. But, the good news, according to the doctors, with specific medicines my speech would come back and there was nothing to worry.  Some pills were even given for my memory,  to clear my brain, which was for the most part disoriented. But no medicines in this world was going to give me back my movements.
I was totally disgusted with life ……..what was going to happen to me ? 
I would never be able to dance again, my movements would become very restricted.  I might even need the support of a walking stick, or worse I might be bedridden.  Desperately I tried to move my hand but nothing happened it lay there, limp and not budging. The same with my right leg too. I could only sob, sob, sob .  Seeing me cry, the nurses would console me saying everything would become alright .... but they didn’t  know what they were saying, or may be they did, and were trying to cheer me, and that made me cry even more.  Most of the time my husband was with me,  telling me to rest and not to unnecessarily worry about anything.  I was asleep most of the time and started channeling Reiki to myself.  Although,  I could hardly feel any thing as part of my body was immune to sensation, but never the less, I continued, for I knew whether I felt it or not the healing would take place for once a Reiki channel you are a Reiki channel for ever.
 By and by, with passage of time, I could utter a few words and even put together short sentences, but they all sounded gibberish and made no sense to anybody. Though the sentences would form properly in my mind, but when they came out, they came out different, and made no sense to anybody.  But the doctors told me not give up, for soon my speech would come back to normal. I should keep working at it . Similarly I had to work on my body too, for unless I worked hard, I may never get my movements back fully.
 It was all so disappointing and depressing, and there seemed to be no light at the end of the tunnel.  People were just saying that I would become alright, but it was all only in hope: nobody knew for sure. How I hated the word 'Hope', which actually only means 'maybe', when all I wanted to hear was a definite answer, which of course nobody was in a position to give it to me.
(To be continued)
I wish to thank every one of you, who have been patiently following this story so far, and I promise you, that it would end in the next part.

37 comments:

  1. Don't make promises that you can't keep, Rama, the story never ends! The scary part of this story is that I know this part is true! Now I have to go back and reread the whole story searching for the hidden happiness, the way I know it will end!

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    1. The story has to end, and we have to move on, with a smile on our face. Life is one big drama of light and darkness,and unless we experience darkness we will never be able to appreciate the light.
      Thanks for your comments, I am sure you can relate to the story in your own way.

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  2. Your description of paralysis reminded me of my grandpa's suffering...But hope is a very powerful tool in such situations.

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    1. I am sorry to hear that your grandpa had to go through this kind of trauma. Maybe some people find solace in the feeling called Hope, but not me, for me intention is the only feeling that can lead one to their desired destination.
      Thanks for stopping by, I really appreciate your thoughts in this matter, however different it might be.

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  3. I know how crippling one feals, my sister had a harrowing time because of this clot..

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    1. Yes, Renu it is really awful.
      Thanks for stopping by.

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  4. Yea the time gap between episodes you post is a bit too long .

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  5. when you talk about reiki, you sound like a reiki master. when about paralysis, you sound like a doctor, wnen you narrate dance moves, you sound like a seasoned dancer. You have beautifully incorporated all the trades in your story:)

    YEs, like you say in your comments. Happiness is best appreciated when you experience sadness.

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    1. Asha, thank you very much for reading the story so well. Usually people are put off by such long stories written in parts. Comments from people like you really makes me feel so happy.

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    1. Thank you W-W. Life always has its ups and downs.

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  7. That is gruesome! Is this your own episode or some made up? I pray this shouldn't be yours!

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    1. That is really cute of you to wish it is not me. Thank you.

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  8. Oh! That's terrible and too vivid a description! Looking forward to the last part with bated breath!

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    1. Thanks Shilpa, I am sure I would not disappoint you in the last part of this story.

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  9. Hmmm...why did you hurt her? after all, they were going to be together? aren't they? :) concluding? already?

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    1. What Latha you are asking, whether I am already concluding?
      It has taken 9 parts to come to this level, I would have finished it in this part itself, but it would have become too long.
      Thanks for following the story.

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  10. Like after reading every part, I felt that the story is a true one! Even now, I feel like that because the narration is too good to believe. Is it possible to write so clearly how you feel if you don't experience it?!

    Hope that Sudha comes back to normal soon!

    Did you read this post of mine, Rama? http://maradhimanni.blogspot.in/2012/12/i-got-awardsunshine-awardlallallaaaaa.html

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    1. It really gives a boost to my confidence, when I am told, that everything sounds so authentic, as if it had happened to me. Many of the parts are based on truth only, inspired from real people and some parts are based on my life too.
      Thanks Sandhya, for appreciating this story.
      Please do keep coming.
      I have to become your follower, only then I would get notified when you update, would do it soon.

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  11. I remember when my mom had a stroke, we were so petrified. I don't know how frightened she must have felt because her speech was slurred, but I can truly reach out and feel the emotions in your post.

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    1. Everybody must have been so worried, how did she cope with it?
      Maybe one of these days you should share it with us.
      Thanks Rachna for stopping by.

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  12. Felt really sad and traumatic with this part of the story..incredibly moving.. will write to you shortly,I know you will understand the delay.:-)

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  13. Of course padmaja and thank you very much. I am so glad you are having a good time.

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  14. Rama,

    Finally I made it but am not saying anything more as I will come back tomorrow to read this full series before I say anything.

    Take care

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  15. Thank you Jack, you are most welcome.

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  16. Interesting! I haven't read the whole series, sure I will read it some time.

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  17. Sure, Kusum, you are most welcome to do it in your own time.Thanks for dropping by.

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  18. My god didn't expect such a sad twist :(

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    1. Yes Kala, life is a twist of unexpected events, some are good and some are not so good. Thanks for following the story.

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  19. Rama, I found my comment has disappeared! Strange but am awaiting the next part!

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  20. Sorry, Rahul I could not find your comment anywhere. Anyway Thanks for coming back and informing me.

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  21. Rama,

    Read all the parts. Very engrossing as the build up is so smooth. Waiting for next part.

    Take care

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  22. Thank you Jack. Your comment is so encouraging to people like me who are new to this field. The next and final part is coming soon.

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  23. It is a loss on my part that such a nice writing I couldn't rather didn't read. I have read only parts-9&10 only.I couldn't make out whether it is fictitious or factual and so that is another success on your part. I'll find some time for reading it.

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  24. Please do, and let me know what you feel about it. Thanks for coming back to read this story.

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  25. Hi Rama,

    You are a wonderful blogger and I really enjoy your blog
    http://rama-ananth.blogspot.in/

    I would like to nominate your blog for THE LIEBSTER BLOG AWARD.
    For more details kindly refer to Liebster Blog Award post at http://jahidakhtar.blogspot.in/2013/01/first-liebster-award-thanks-rajni.html

    Thanks and Regards,
    Jahid
    Flashbacks

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