Break From The Past: Helpless (part 9)

I must have lost consciousness, for when I came to, I only had a vague remembrance of the things that were happening around me.  Chandran was sprinkling water over my face, and I could hear him call out my name several times ….. but wait a second! what is this ? 

Though words were forming in my mouth, no sound as emanating ….why couldn’t I speak damn it ?  

Have I suddenly become dumb? I was confused ……and what had happened to my hand ? 

I could not move it the way I wanted it to move.  Something was terribly wrong with me, and then I heard a man, may be a doctor, telling my husband that it appeared to be a stroke, that I should be taken to a hospital immediately.  Soon I was in the hospital, surrounded by doctors, nurses, emergency technicians, ward boys.. The doctors seemed to be totally baffled, as the various test results showed  nothing that was wrong with me : I had no diabetes, blood pressure, or high cholesterol for that matter, and I had no symptoms of headache or anything, prior to the stroke . But stroke it was : my speech, and all movements on the right side was paralyzed. I was shocked when I heard the diagnosis.

 However,  the doctors were still trying to find out the reason for the stroke.   Luckily, after a few more tests, surgery was ruled out, I was on drips and some drugs were given to me on regular basis to dissolve the clot.  Apparently, a clot had occurred somewhere in my leg,  which had traveled to my brain and had again traveled down to lodge itself in the left side of my throat region : which was why the paralysis had occurred on the right side of my body,  and that was the reason I lost my speech, and had lost all movement on my right side. But, the good news, according to the doctors, with specific medicines my speech would come back and there was nothing to worry.  Some pills were even given for my memory,  to clear my brain, which was for the most part disoriented. But no medicines in this world was going to give me back my movements.

I was totally disgusted with life ……..what was going to happen to me ? 

I would never be able to dance again, my movements would become very restricted.  I might even need the support of a walking stick, or worse I might be bedridden.  Desperately I tried to move my hand but nothing happened it lay there, limp and not budging. The same with my right leg too. I could only sob, sob, sob .  Seeing me cry, the nurses would console me saying everything would become alright .... but they didn’t  know what they were saying, or may be they did, and were trying to cheer me, and that made me cry even more.  Most of the time my husband was with me,  telling me to rest and not to unnecessarily worry about anything.  I was asleep most of the time and started channeling Reiki to myself.  Although,  I could hardly feel any thing as part of my body was immune to sensation, but never the less, I continued, for I knew whether I felt it or not the healing would take place for once a Reiki channel you are a Reiki channel for ever.

 By and by, with passage of time, I could utter a few words and even put together short sentences, but they all sounded gibberish and made no sense to anybody. Though the sentences would form properly in my mind, but when they came out, they came out different, and made no sense to anybody.  But the doctors told me not give up, for soon my speech would come back to normal. I should keep working at it . Similarly I had to work on my body too, for unless I worked hard, I may never get my movements back fully.

 It was all so disappointing and depressing, and there seemed to be no light at the end of the tunnel.  People were just saying that I would become alright, but it was all only in hope: nobody knew for sure. How I hated the word 'Hope', which actually only means 'maybe', when all I wanted to hear was a definite answer, which of course nobody was in a position to give it to me.
(To be continued)
I wish to thank every one of you, who have been patiently following this story so far, and I promise you, that it would end in the next part.