Monday, January 16, 2012

"All things are ready if our minds be so" - We found each other by pure serendipity! Part- 7 (the end)


                                                                                        In Spain
The brahminic rituals of the engagement ceremony having finally got over, the all clear  was sounded for refreshments  to be brought out by  caterers specially called in for the  occasion.  My father, usually a frugal and tight fisted person, chose to go against the grain  this one last time,  and the menu card bore ample testimony to his sudden change of heart.
                                                                   
 In good spirits and wanting to make small talk, my mother casually enquired of the boy’s aunt if the boy was given to smoking, drinking,  non-vegetarian food, etc.   To this, the aunt proudly declared, of course, he does all that : she had seen him on several occasions  in various parties with a drink in hand and a cigarette in the other as if she was describing  Humphrey Bogart and not her nephew. Beef was his favorite meat – “You know, like the Americans”, adding fuel to the already raging fire.
                                                       
Now as if these bombshells which she so casually threw at my mother were not enough,  even before my mother could recover from these shockers,  she threw a few more  at random for good measure.   She went on to add that all the men in their family smoked : and as for drinks she added,  even womenfolk in their family were not averse to taking a sip now and then, now and then,  now and then....   
Their penchant to party at the slightest excuse was  widely known : in card games played for very high stakes, no man in the family was a match for the women,  past masters of the art.
                                             
                                "No one ever knows when a person you meet suddenly

                                   becomes a part of your life whom you remember

                                   each and every moment. It all happens and

                                  
only then you realize how important that person is for you".
  
Having thus breezily recounted the lifestyle and the family saga (of which I would soon be  part of),  she consoled my mother saying that she need have no worry – their family was very modern in their outlook and that, I would very quickly find my feet and be totally at home as had been the case with all the ladies who had married into the family – “ See how happy I am now”, biting into the melt in the mouth Mysore Pak.

Words cannot describe what my mother felt at that time. This was irony in the real sense: history repeating itself once again, only it was little too late.

 Now with more than four score people having witnessed the engagement, the date of marriage fixed,  the neighborhood too was finally letting out their combined sigh of relief in seeing me finally engaged,  (for they too had waited for so long to see me getting married),  how could she have said or done anything at that stage ?  
My mother revealed all these things to us  after all the invitees had left,  resigned to the fact that there was nothing much we could do now.
I must admit however that all things considered, the truth of the matter was that he had conquered all our hearts  and came out as a  solid dependable  person, who would be true to his vows of “till death do us part”.  The boy’s family was known to us and came well recommended :  it was a collective opinion and consensus in our family that we ought not to unnecessarily worry and make a fuss over  a non- issue.  It was as if fate was mocking at us at some level:  not that we were expecting to have these things written on his face, yet it was a shocker, for wasn’t it for the very same reason that the Army boy suitor was unceremoniously and summarily cashiered ?

 As a wise man said, 'looks can be very deceptive'.  Here I was marrying a man with similar habits, which I was happy to reject and be rejected a few days back. Was it love at first sight or was it fate,  I really don't know what to believe. That’s life I suppose!
          
 Be that as it may, the fact of the matter was I liked the boy, and we got married in two months’ time and it has now been 31 years from that fateful day.  We have had our share of ups and downs which all marriages have to go through with adjustments on his part and minor realignments on my part: bringing up children together, doing almost everything together learning from each other. We do go off track once in a while, but as long as we can patch up after a few days of solitary confinement in our respective rooms,  I feel we can confidently say our marriage has remained rock solid for the most part. I must admit, there were times I had seriously considered leaving him, and maybe such thoughts have occurred to him too, I don't know, for this is my story, and I can only speak for myself. As we all know, women are more emotional and impulsive by nature, they hurt easily without any rhyme or reason, but in my case, good sense always prevailed,  and made me realize the truth behind this lovely quote: "I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life". ~Rita Rudner
Yes, he smokes once in a while, he drinks at least thrice in a week and eats non veg whenever he gets an opportunity,  but only outside the home.  The point is he is not addicted to any of these things, for he can remain without them too for days and weeks.   I know it for a fact because he works from our home, and we are practically together all the time.

He is man from whom I have learnt lots of things, and he has been and would always be source of inspiration for me.  He gives me enough space to be what I want to be, and likewise I too have learnt to give him the space he needs.  Fighting and making up is all part and parcel of life,  making life all the more  spicy and interesting.

I have realized how paranoid one can become without knowing a person fully, and I still feel that my decision to marry him was right.  Somewhere a bell has to ring in your heart and in that instant you know that you have found the perfect match.
          
And here I would like to share with you another irony that happened, it was really very funny.  You see my father was always upset that I did not like any of the boys he brought home for us to select.  My cussedness in this matter irritated him no end :  Oftentimes in a fit of temper,  he would curse that I was fit only to get married to someone from the gutter. ( All Madrasis are no doubt familiar with the gutter curse – sakkadai ).

Truth to tell,  I did get married to a man who had specialized in Sewage and Wastewater Treatment which in layman’s term means a gutter engineer.  I suppose one should also think before cursing, because some curses may come true.   I am not complaining, for in this case obviously it came true in a positive way.

"Chance favors the prepared mind": consciously or unconsciously I had prepared my mind.  On the one hand I had reservations marrying a man who came earlier with similar traits  because I felt something was not right :  On the other, my husband with identical qualities and traits  seemed perfect to me  and made me take the plunge, to marry him without a second thought, because something within me made me feel he was the one meant for me. 

Shakespeare had said some 400 years ago in Act 4 of his play Henry V: "All things are ready if our minds be so".  We found each other by pure serendipity! 


43 comments:

  1. Oh Rama, what a beautiful ending to your story. Your words, descriptions, everything speaks of the love you have for your husband. I had to giggle at the "sakkadai" comment and your husband's profession:) And the last Shakespeare's quote says it all, doesn't it? Wonderful story that I so enjoyed waiting for:):)

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  2. .... and they lived happily ever after.

    Too beautiful for words. The post is loaded with love and warmth. God bless you both with togetherness for many more years.

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  3. Hello Rama,

    When I opened your blog I expected to find the lovely color photo with the dining table arranged with food and flowers. But I was surprised to find another fantastic photo which took my breath away. To tell you honestly, I just couldn't believe my eyes.

    Man proposes and God disposes.Marriages are made in heaven. Otherwise how can you marry a man with the same traits as another man whom you rejected. I enjoyed reading the story of how you married your husband of thirty one years. I can see both of you have traveled together miles and miles through ups and downs, weals and woes,happiness and difficulties and raised wonderful children.Now you have reached a stage when both of you can put up your legs and relax and have a much more peaceful times together.

    You have wonderful writing sills and language flows like a smoothly flowing river grabbing attention and interest. This is a wonderful skill which few people can have.You are blessed. Every single photo with your husband will bring back so many wonderful memories to you.They are a treasure.

    Wish you both all happiness
    Joseph

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  4. loved the fairy tale ending...god bless u both!!

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  5. What a wonderful part of your story- I know this is not the ending- because you will continue on with many more years together. I just loved it!!! My husband often says he threw away his list when he met me (as I didn't meet ANY of the requirements- ha ha)....sometimes we are happiest with those we don't put in a box!!

    I loved the quote about being married and laughed heartily- my husband is still laughing, as I yelled it out to him...truly funny- yes, someone to annoy for many years to come :)

    REALLY LOVED THIS POST!!!!

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  6. That's a beautiful story of a price and pricess, and it's so perfect to the line "And they lived happily ever after". And those lines ..."solid dependable person, who would be true to his vows of “till death do us part” - spontaneous and beautiful!
    Loved your sarees and neckpieces(wherever visible) a lot! It is actually nice to annoy, fight and grow together with the one whom you love the most!

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  7. Lovely Lovely story Rama! and OMG you kept the suspense so good and for so long. I couldn't help but smile when u wrote - that fateful day and that lovely quote from Rita. Wish you both many many years of a very happy married life, fights and makeovers, smiles and tears - all that add spice to the life and makes it more interesting and living worthwhile.

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  8. Loved the entire 'series' of how you met your soul mate. And this post especially warmed my heart :)Here is wishing you many more years of togetherness

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  9. Lovely narration and loved the pragmatism and honesty you've showed in the post. All marriages go through ups and downs and those who say that theirs haven't are lying :). I am sure all husbands and wives go through phases when they are mad at each other, want to leave each other and then get back together. In a sense, that cements your relationship too. Very apt points you made about preconceived notions and choices. Wish you loads of happy years together! Lovely pics btw!

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  10. WOW! Loved the narration and the ending. Perfect match! :) God Bless. :) Wishing you many more wonderful years together ahead.

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  11. Enjoyed thoroughly Rama.Like someone mentioned you have tremendous story telling capabilities.words are picturised to be precise.

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  12. beautiful.. :) and shakespeare said the truth .. did he not .. If one has the wil and the mind to do they can ...

    ups and downs are way of life if we dont have that it will be so boring otherwise ...

    loved reading all the episodes

    Bikram's

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  13. Hahaha ! Y'all haven't heard my side of the story : Will take it to the grave with me.

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    1. would love to read your side of story pleaseeeeeee

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  14. what a beautiful happy ending....you have written whole series very well....wishing you many many more years of togetherness.

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  15. Beautiful post, Rama!The saga of marriage was a very enjoyable read and I can assure you most of the successful marriages take this path!Also, marriages are made in heaven is the profound truth whether we like it or not:)

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  16. WOnderful post full of love and warmth...You did narrate it very well. Gripping tale!

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  17. WOW! Thats a beautiful narration. Would definitely love to hear his side of the story too, especially that 'how many times he seriously considered leaving you'. LOL!!! Seems a very understanding person and you definitely are made for each other:) Wish you many more years of togetherness in love:)))

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  18. Thanks everybody for patiently putting up with my story.I really appreciate all your comments and thanks for all your good wishes.
    Rama.

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  19. never liked arrange marriage but this one is a very beautiful one. my family and i are going to see "candidate" for my brother this weekend.Haha. Its our first time and hopefully it will go well.

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  20. Wish you, your brother and the girl( candidate) the very best.

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  21. The narration kept me interested till the end Rama, lovely pics too, I wish you both lots of happiness and love to continue your journey together!

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  22. Such an interesting journey through and through . You remember everything so clearly .Excellent narration.Thanks for sharing something so special with us .I wish both of you many more happy years of togetherness.

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  23. Beautiful story !! enjoyed very much.I shared this post with my husband and laughed at the description of sakkadai. Yes, sometimes curse becomes true.But I think your husband is doing a great job.Rita's and shakespeare's words are true.Also learned that married life has ups and downs.I would like to hear the story from your husband's part also.Loved the happy ending.Wishing both of you all the best for the years to come!

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  24. Thanks everybody, I am glad to know that you people enjoyed reading my story, as much as I enjoyed writing it.

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  25. anilkurup said...

    @ Rama,
    And
    I wonder how I missed this Blog you have, though you were following mine. Now I find I cannot post comment on it as the window that ask for my profile is not opening up.
    Now here it is a wonderfully narrated pic of your life. Exactly what I meant , b&w pic is never going to get far , unless the same is made well ( not exaggerated).

    I liked the way your Dad's curse came true upon in your life.I'm sure he'd love that too.
    A balanced view of marriage , that is what your narration of your experiences conveys.

    And your husband must have known the words of Socrates,"My advise to you is to
    get married. If you find a good wife you will be happy; if you do not you will become a philosopher."

    JANUARY 20, 2012 5:52 PM

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  26. Absolutely beautiful pictures i love the pics in saree sply the green saree picture u both look so dazzling :)

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  27. Absolutely beautiful pictures i love the pics in saree sply the green saree picture u both look so dazzling :)

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  28. beautiful romantic narration

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  29. I have been married for 12+ years and It is the best part of my life. I thank almighty for this relationship.. Help carrying the heavy loads and multiplies the blissful moments with many folds...

    May you have many many more years of togetherness....God bless....

    Lovely post...:))

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  30. A www....such a beautiful post, Rama. They say you can't bless elders, but cant help saying, god bless you both many more wonderful years od togetherness. Such a beautifully narrated story. I thought the current tale you were telling is your story. Sorry for being mistaken. Can I say something if yon don't mind? Can you pls put links to the other posts too in this one? Because I had to dig inside..it mit be easy for the readers...and lovely pics too..:)

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  31. Thanks Latha for your wishes. I am glad you liked my story.

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  32. The series proved to be a gripping one... beautiful posts... Now I ve finished reading all... The ever lasting wait for a girl to get married has happened to you and you have narrated it well.. But its irony today that guys gotta wait (:D) lack of girls... No, I am just a undergrad guy too far from age of marrying.. I ve seen my cousins who got married recently and are getting married recently...

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  33. True Harikrishna, when we want the right boys, they are nowhere to be seen, and same goes for the men too. I think we just have to bear, and wait it out, till the person comes into our lives, and then not let them go for any reason.
    Wish you all the best, when your time comes.

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    1. "Then not let them go for any reason" An advice needed to be put forth everywhere.... Thanks for the wishes but I request you to wish me all the best for my on going exams mam (:D) ...

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  34. God, I read all the parts of this novel at a stretch! This is a gripping novel, Rama!

    Good to know that you married the man whom you liked as soon as you saw him! Ups and downs are part of life, Rama!

    Now, I feel like writing my story of how I met my husband!

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  35. Sorry that I didn't even wait to comment on any of the previous parts because I couldn't wait to read the next!

    Loved it! I'm a little speechless now! So beautiful! What a story! :)

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    1. Thank you Purnima. I so glad to know that you really enjoyed going through it.

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  36. Rama I have read all the previous parts. I Finished reading in one breath. I found the incidents in your life leading you to the altar of the most suitable person in your life.That's why they say 'marriages are made in Heaven'.I am very happy for you. God bless you both.

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  37. Thanks Usha, for going through my story in one sitting. Thanks also for your kind wishes.

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  38. Beautiful story Rama... I enjoy it really much.

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