How I Met My Husband......A Strange thing happened... the story continues.... Part 5

After formally fixing up the engagement date to 24 of August 1980, everybody seemed to be happy. The Army boy and his parents left. I could see, how relieved my parents were, happy at the thought that their youngest daughter was finally getting married. However, I was feeling the opposite, I felt burdened, and totally depressed by the turn of events. I would have to tell them what the boy shared with me, I was sure once they knew, they would definitely not like to take it further, and would cancel the engagement.

But, before I could tell them anything, my uncle, who was in the movie business (part time cinematographer), came with some free tickets for a movie called "Shankarabaranam", which was all the rage at that time. Since, I was in no mood to go anywhere, I stayed back at home. I was alone in the house and my parents were expected to come back only by 11pm after the movie.

Around 10 pm, the phone rang and it was the Army fellow on the line. He said he was glad he got me on the line, as he had something important to tell me. He told me not to misunderstand him or get annoyed with him, as he was calling off the engagement. I just couldn't believe what I was hearing, was it real or was I dreaming....

Then he went on to explain, how while he was lighting a cigarette, he recollected the conversation we had, earlier that day, and how although I had not commented very strongly about my reservations about the things shared by him, he could not forget the look of dismay in my eyes.

It led him to think  that, although,  he had very gallantly promised that, he would give up these habits picked up by him, it suddenly struck him, as to what might happen if he failed to keep his promise. 

Since he was not sure he would be able to get over his weaknesses so easily, he felt it would not be right on his part to make me suffer. And therefore, he had conveyed to his parents, that he was not yet ready for marriage at the present time.

He went on to add that his mother was well and truly upset with him for having led everyone down the garden path : I believe she was so angry and livid with him that he had to leave his parent's home and seek temporary shelter at his brother's place from where he had made the call. He said he was very sorry for changing his mind, but hoped I would understand his decision which involved both of us.

Well you know I could not have been happier, for once again some supreme power had come to my rescue and saved me in the last minute. I really admired him for being so thoughtful and sensitive for we get to meet such people very rarely. I admired his strength in looking within himself and thinking deeply about the situation and coming to a mature decision. I am sure he is a happy man wherever he is.

My parents,  when told the news were quite devastated to see such things happening again and again,

however, life has to go on. Now there was not a single horoscope to pursue, and it looked like things had come to a stand still all of a sudden.We were all suddenly enveloped in that 'calm' that one feels before a tsunami.... a deadly calmness that could throw us off balance any moment. Although I was relieved, still I could not bear to see them so dejected in life.


It was at this time I let my imagination run loose. I imagined, that it would be so good if by some miracle, somebody just called up, saying they had come across my horoscope and it was matching, and could they come and meet us. I let my imagination run a little further, (no need to be stingy in this area) by imagining the boy to be a doctorate in engineering (that too from a well known university of America,  the craze for America must have caught on to me too, now don't ask me why....it could have been the effect of some mob mentality ....I really don't know)


I thought it would be so good, if we could just like each other without any reservations. Well as the saying goes, "Be careful what you ask for ... for you might just get it".
Well did  I get it?
Could such crazy imaginations ever be actualized?

We would have to wait and watch....
The blog is becoming too long and I need some time to put everything together, so I have to stop.
to be continued......

Cooking Up A Simple And Healthy Lunch

Today, the weather being cloudy and nice, I felt like making, some wholesome Biriyani with some Egg plant gravy dish which goes well with the Biriyani, and some Raita which is made with raw Cucumber, Tomatoes and Onion in yogurt.
This Biriyani  is made out of Brown rice with some Carrots, Peas, Cauliflower and some Onions and I topped it with some lightly fried Potatoes.
I sprinkled it with some Mint leaves and browned Onions: it really tastes good. Brown rice has a nice nutty flavor, and is also very good for health.

                                                    Try using brown rice it is really good.

The Egg plant dish has lightly fried  whole Egg plant, the small variety, in Tomato gravy, which  is a  perfect  accompaniment to Pulav, Biriyani, or just plain Rice. The Yogurt, with raw vegetables is another healthy addition to any  Indian meal.

Happy Healthy Eating!!!

Health and cheerfulness naturally beget each other. ~Joseph Addison

How I Met My Husband......."being on the horns of a dilemma" part 4

My parents were relieved, that at last their youngest daughter was finally getting married. I reluctantly said yes to this boy. The Army boy had left,  for he had just come on some official work, but his parents kept in touch with us through phone calls,  discussing the date for our engagement ceremony etc. etc. It was decided that it would take place on the 24th of August 1980. As the day kept coming closer and closer, I  got really worried and restless, I felt the classic shiver down my spine every time I thought about the boy and my marriage to him. I could not understand this fear building up inside me for no apparent reason. The boy was decent, his parents loved me, they were all well educated and cultured, yet why did I harbor such negative vibes, and felt something was not right, but I could not put my finger on it.

In the meantime, my parents went to Kanchivaram (a town famous for silk sarees), and bought all the wedding sarees for me as well as for others, they  were busy buying all the necessary things required for the wedding,  and people were informed about my engagement--- a big relief for them too as they were witness to almost all the alliances that had come my way, news has a way of spreading real fast.

I think one month must have passed, Oh! how quickly the month passed by, bringing me very close to my engagement day, making me dread every second of it.

At that point, I had lost all faith in life, I had no one who would understand what I felt, in fact even if I were to tell someone, they would just brush it off as pre-wedding  jitters. There seemed to be no escape, I was fully trapped. How could I tell my parents that, I just didn’t feel right about this man?

The bell was not ringing for this man in my heart.

They would want to know the reason, and I really didn’t know why I should not marry him.

The Army gang, along with the boy, came again to our house to discuss the various details regarding the engagement etc. At that time the boy’s mother suggested maybe the two of us should be left alone, so that we could get to know each other better. (bless her). So we just started sharing a few things about each other,  which was rather pleasant and nice, making me feel more confident about this man, and I chided myself for imagining the worst scenario for myself. He was really very good, with no airs, a really down to earth man. The more we talked, the more, I liked him, and all of a sudden, all my unfounded fears seemed to have vanished into thin air …. until,  he suddenly said he had certain unhealthy habits and that,  may be marriage would be just the thing  to give him the incentive to get rid of them. He started telling me about his addiction to cigarettes, and also his the habit of drinking, albeit only in parties (which I was sure were pretty frequent).  He attributed all these habits to being in the Army.  Life could be quite tough sometimes, filled with boredom and lonliness,  that’s what he said. I asked him whether he was a vegetarian, to which his answer was in the negative: he said he couldn’t do without eating non- veg, and then he described to me in detail how his father (who was a forest officer), his elder brother ( who was also in the Army ) and of course himself, would go hunting in the forest in a jeep at night times and kill some wild animal, make a fire right there and cook and eat  the poor creature.  He was so excited and seemed to be very proud of such adventures and accomplishments.

    To me all these things sounded very barbaric and inhuman.  I was shocked that I had said "yes" to such a person, for we were so very different from each other in every way.  The prospect of leading an unsettled and nomadic life in the Army, facing frequent separation, relocation, leading a nomadic life, having children whose education and schooling would perforce be disrupted frequently, and all the other accompanying problems, was daunting. (I had somehow brainwashed myself that they were nothing).  And to think, I would also have to live with his various vices (at least to my eyes), I somehow felt that things would not work out between the two of us.  He would be better off with somebody who was used to the kind of life he had just portrayed to me, for I know some people may find it fascinating, thrilling and challenging.  They might also like to accompany him on his trips to the jungle for hunting.  As the saying goes: "One man’s food is another’s poison."  Who was I to pass judgement? 

All I could only say that this man was not for me and could have no place in my life. I somehow felt, that I didn’t want to be involved with a man with so many issues to be resolved, and marriage would not be a solution to his problems. For him to change, the change would have to come  from within himself and not with the help of another person, and I did not want to make it my business to change him.

However, would I have the courage to speak about all this to my parents?

Why did I turn totally against him, for he was just being honest, nothing wrong in being honest, he was only confiding in me as a friend, and soon to become my companion? 

All these thoughts were haunting me, as I kept smiling and listening to him, with no expression on my face. I vaguely remember, his mom showing me a beautiful long antique necklace (the type that Bharatnatyam dancers wear), studded with rare and precious stones, saying she would present it to me during the wedding….. that it would go beautifully with the saree we had chosen for the main wedding…. how she was waiting for the day when they would have me as their daughter in law,  as she hugged me tightly.... and at that moment again my mind started sending me conflicting signals, for,  I felt how could I refuse to be a part of such a loving family….

I still had time to think it over, for the engagement was still about 15 days away.  Maybe I was being too negative about this whole issue, maybe after thinking over it calmly I might change my mind about this man, maybe he was not as bad as he portrayed himself to be.

What do you think, you would have done if you were in such a situation?

 Please think about it and give your honest opinion:  

Army Officer:

to marry or not to marry?

To be continued…………..

How I Met My Husband.......A long flash back (Part 3)

Another day and another prospective alliance came my way : the boy was the son of an Acharyan (A theological/ spiritual preceptor – A guru ) in our ancestral hometown of  Srirangam near Trichy.  He was an engineer and was very fair and good looking ( that’s the way my dad would describe him in any case). He literally fell headlong for me the moment he set eyes on me. He made it very clear to my father also how he felt about me. He succeeded  in convincing his orthodox parents also and things were moving forward too quickly for my liking.  But I did not like him, and I was worried that somehow I would be forced to say "yes".  The very thought of going to live with his ultra orthodox family even for one single day was horrifying for me.  I would be compelled to wear a 9 yard saree in the orthodox madisar  fashion and follow all the "aachaarams"  (Rituals) and various other arcane rules of behaviour and conduct set by their highly conservative society, befitting his exalted position as the Acharyan (Guru) .   

In the meantime the boy started communicating with my father through letters and phone calls, how he was looking forward to becoming  a part of our family, that we need not worry about his orthodox family,as he planned to set up a separate establishment once married, and visit them only occasionally, that he would take good care of me and blah blah………..

His letters kept coming and I was really irritated by his persistence, and because of him my father started telling my mother how she was not training me also in our orthodox Iyengar way of life, for unless I was properly tutored in these matters, I would always shun  such practices which our forebears in their infinite wisdom had designed scientifically for our benefit only.  My mother and I therefore  got into a secret pact  never to let my father see, any more of the letters that the boy from Srirangam was shooting off.  Fortunately also, the boy’s father had lots of demands up his sleeves which my father did not like and so there I was once again saved from the fire,  but not before a little bit of frying in the pan.  You  simply cannot imagine how horrifying each experience was when you don’t know with whom you might end up for the rest of your life.

After several more prospective alliances,  and every alliance going nowhere, it was the turn of an Army officer to come my way.  You will not believe it  if I told you that by now I had seen and been seen by about 300 boys in just 4 years time. It sounds  implausible, but not so if you were resident in Madras in those days.

Let me clear the air here a little bit to say that my father was not such a hateful person as portrayed by me.  It was  just that the circumstances were different, and it was quite the norm to have dominating fathers in most households  those days.  I must do justice to him for the various other aspects of him as a good father, a good husband and a good man in another blog on an other day.

                                      

This Army boy ( officer actually) was also very good looking : he had to be, for my parents would not approve of somebody who was not - the basics were never compromised.  “Goodlooking, educated,  well employed and of good family background" were the minimum specifications.  Now you see, there was a time when my father would not even care for alliances that were advertised in the news-papers nor would he even consider boys from the Army, Navy and Air Force. But times had changed and beggars could not be choosers, and we could not afford to ignore alliances coming from whichever corner of the ring.  Since my father had himself been in the Army and later on shifted to work as a civilian in the Army, he was well aware of the shortcomings and disadvantages of an Army life.  He would say very few people in the Army had good habits and one couldn’t blame them : their life was very tough and there would be several instances when one just had to take what was coming,  and to simply grin and bear.  My father never smoked nor did he drink.  He was a Food Technologist for the Army and it was his job to test and taste everything, and approve these commodities for bulk supplies to the army personnel.  His brother’s sons were all in the Army and Navy and surprisingly none of them succumbed to these vices as well.   But could I expect the same from the boy who came to see me?

The Army boy and his parents did come on the appointed day, saw me and liked me very much.  I also did not really dislike him.   These Army folks exude a certain charm that is difficult to resist.  Other men can learn a few things from them, like how to treat a Lady, and to be polite and dignified with elders etc. Of course everything is fine with them as long as they don’t get drunk and misbehave in public, or even in private.

Well, getting back to my story, my father had convinced me that all Army people need not be tarred with the same brush.  He then brainwashed me to think of a wonderful life filled with parties and various activities that would interest me, and all the wonderful and exotic places in the far corners of India I would get to see and so on.  Of course, deep in his heart he knew that only part of it was true, and so did I:not everything  would be as rosy and cosy as portrayed by him.  My poor father, he was so sincere in his efforts, sometimes I was really moved by his sincerity and his determination to get things done, come what may. This waiting for the so called 'Mr. Right' can't go on and on, somewhere, someone has to put a stop. Accepting things the way they were, and looking  realistically at the world around me was the best option. The boy was good, in every sense, except for being in the Army, which was minor issue, one should always look for the positives  in life and move forward.

 Somehow I sensed a change coming over me:  rather reluctantly, I braced myself to look forward to a so called funfilled life in the army. 

I know you people would want to know everything right now, but it would be too long for a blog, so I have to try and keep it short and crisp, and share my experiences in parts without boring all of you too.

Does my story so far sound weird, well watch out for more weirdness to come......

Post (105)

How I Met My Husband.......A long flash back: the story continues....

My parents started their search for a 'suitable boy' for me when I just turned 18. Now it seems so outdated to think of marriage at that age.  Even at that time it was pretty uncommon, but not for my father who always proudly proclaimed "I am the head of the family; I know what is right for everybody in the family".  According to him marriage was not going to happen unless we put in a lot of effort,  and we should always be open to proposals that might come our way.  Then there was the issue of horoscopes to be matched, and a whole lot of other nitty gritty to be tackled, before anything could move forward.  One had to start looking out fairly early,  as these things had to go through a long process, and  therefore, the "sooner the better" was the  philosophy followed by my father. 

Then of course, there was really no reason for panic, for there were many boys waiting to get married.  It started off for me with a boy who was a sales manager in a reputed company in Calcutta. It seemed very ideal for my father for at that time we were living in Calcutta and I was still in College there. But somehow I was not reconciled to the idea of marriage just yet, and the idea of seeing a sales manager was not so appealing to me : for some reason, I know not what or why,  I hated sales people. ( again no offence to people in the 'marketing' field)

But, as usual, I had no choice  in the matter, and I had to see the boy.  I did not much like him : he was just OK -  "nothing great"as my daughter used to say  to any proposal that came her way. Perhaps she had taken after me.  But the same casual manner in which she put it across to us, I dared not try on my domineering father in those days (excuse my constant use of " those days").  All  I could  do was only to pray for the best. However, things did work out well in the end in this case because the Sales Manager too  felt I was too young for him, and therefore unsuitable.

But my father being the type of person he was,  had beseeched every friend and relative to look out for a decent alliance for me. His aim was to get me settled before his retirement which was still about 5 years away. Somehow things were not turning out as my father had imagined, and I was saved the agony for the next 2 years. I could concentrate on my studies without any distractions and was even able to complete my degree. After my graduation, my father was transferred to Madras our home town, as his final posting prior to retirement.   From that very day, my problems multiplied.  Every other day somebody would come to see me, and again I never really liked anyone, though they were all quite good looking and well educated, the horoscopes matched etc. You might well wonder how my prayers worked every time, for somehow at the last moment things would just fall apart, and my father would feel crestfallen  that all his efforts went for naught :  but I was happy. To pass the time gainfully, I was allowed to  pursue my studies to the next level and also attend some art and cookery classes on the side.
A few fellows did come to see me, but due to reasons unknown, they all just fizzled out, I remember vaguely one fellow's father saying that my father was too dominating, another boy himself had the audacity to tell my father that, we were not up to his status, and some other fellow's father felt I was too young for his son and so on.....

Time was fast running out now, my father’s retirement day fast approaching, and he was filled with woe: his last daughter was still unmarried.  Several astrologers were consulted frequently as to find out why things were not working out for me despite sincere efforts on his part. The answer was the same -  that I was going through a bad period ( says the reading of horoscope) but we should not let up on our efforts, for the bad period was only temporary, ending soon and my marriage was surely on the cards.  
Then a learned astrologer discovered that my Lagna at birth had been miscast, and so a new computer generated horoscope  ( it was the time when computer technology was really generating a lot of interest) was made ready : there was however a section of astrologers who did not set store by the way a computer looks at the various Grahas/ houses in the horoscope. 
Astrology being such a science, that never two people would ever see eye to eye in the same matter. 
My father was now caught in a quandary : he did not know whom to believe or disbelieve, for both seemed right in their respective arguments (both horoscopes were correct).  As an even handed compromise, my father took both the sets of horoscopes for matching – try this, and if does not work, try the other ! 

Well, as days passed by, my bad period was becoming good,  all hurdles to my getting married had gone, according to his friend who was our official astrologer, and my father was relieved, when told, "bad phase has left,  your daughter could be married any time". 

With my dear, dear Father

Now the time had come to intensify the search for 'a suitable boy' more vigorously, not that the search had ever been let down. The astrologers went on predicting that the right time had come, but did it really happen, only time would tell.

And so the story continues to chug along, dragging,  like the little red engine slowly ......

This is blue train to Araku Valley in Andhra Pradesh, which also chugs slowly through the scenic hills.


Wow! I can't believe it I have completed 103 posts till now.

31st Wedding Anniversary At Taj West End

We got a coupon to stay at any Taj in Bangalore for 1 day and 1 night where you get to pay half rate for the room and for the lunch.
We have Taj Vivanta in Whitefield itself, which is supposed to be very expensive, but we had lunch there twice and did not find any thing great, nor the modern architecture it boasts of, is spectacular in any way. Then we have two other Taj Hotels, one is Taj Gateway, and the other one is Taj Residency, both are not worth spending your half rate coupons.I suggested we go to Taj West End , which is closer to the old style Bangalore, just opposite the Race Course, it is a very pretty hotel set in a large beautifully landscaped  area and has an old world charm which is simply irresistible. It is like a resort, with absolutely no noise, and is very peaceful.

We chose Friday, (although our wedding anniversary was over on Thursday itself), as the coupons are valid only from Friday to Saturday, and this half rate discount comes only once in a year. What better time to make use of this deal, so here we were in Taj West End, one of the oldest Hotels of Taj in Bangalore.
In their own words:
" The Taj West End, a lush, 20-acre garden in the middle of Bangalore, a bustling city. Noted as a Leading Hotel of the World, The Taj West End is a sanctuary for today's discerning business traveler and offers up an array of cutting edge business technology, including Telepresence (high-definition global video conferencing) and a 24-hour Business Centre.

For the leisure seeker, there is plenty to do. Sip drinks under a 125-years old Banyan tree. Laze in the sun. Linger over high tea and let us demonstrate that even though the old days certainly had plenty going for them, the present is even better."

We had a wonderful lunch at their Restaurant: Mynt a place for fine Dining experience.
For upbeat atmosphere around the clock, there is no better choice than Mynt. Authentic Indian, Italian, Lebanese and Mediterranean cuisine is served from large interactive counters and kitchens for an open, engaging experience.

Natural sunlight from skylights and tall bay windows created a lovely ambiance inside and guests who like the outdoors, could also head to the garden for an alfresco dining experience.


Their thin crust Pizza was  to literally to die for, you can see for yourself in the pictures above. They had lovely Italian food along with food from other Mediterranean countries, it was simply delicious, I wish I had place to taste every thing. I mostly had Italian and Greek food, I didn't go anywhere near our Indian food at all. Then there were freshly made ice creams, cakes, and plenty of Indian sweets for dessert, oh, my God it was too good. Their service  too was excellent.

 The next day for breakfast,  their choice of food was mind boggling, but this time the Indian Breakfast  was too good to resist, with Masala dosa, Rava idly, Pav Bajji, Tomato Rice, Upama, Adai, Uttappam and everything done to perfection.
Lovely fresh fruits, and freshly made fruits and vegetable juices were fantastic.
Of course, there was a counter for Western Breakfast too.
Their home made kind of filter coffee (Tata Coffee) too was excellent.
Now the rooms had sauna, steam also in the bath, and the regular coffee/ tea maker, plus the Bar.
They really surprised us with a chocolate cake,  which they had specially made for us as they knew our Wedding Anniversary.

Since we were close to Malleswarm, we decided to visit the famous Mantri Square/ Mall, and did some window shopping in Malleaswarm too,( we did not buy anything), in the evening after lunch, as we would never visit this part of the city,  because of the traffic jams in normal times. 
We had to eat tiffin at Sri Krishna Bhavan, which has been there for years and years and is very famous. So although we absolutely had no place to eat,  after our lunch, yet we stuffed ourselves with their Masala Dosa.
The next day after Breakfast we had to leave by 12pm.
It was indeed a good way to spend our 31st wedding anniversary. Now back to some heavy exercise and some good lean and healthy diet.

Happy Deepavali!

The ever changing clouds:  we must also be open for change always, for as we change we evolve into better  and more beautiful person every second of our lives,  just like these beautiful ever evolving clouds....

Let Deepavali bring beauty and light in our lives!

How I Met My Husband.......A long flash back (Part 1)

I wish to share with the rest of the world certain thoughts and memories that come back to me unfailingly every year on this month and on this day,  the 27th of Oct., the day I got married to my husband of 30 years.  In those days it was de rigueur for a girl to get married by the time she attained the age of 18.  It did not matter at all whether she wanted to get married or not.

I remember my college Professor admonishing us in one of his classes : “Girls”, he proclaimed in his Bengali accent dripping with sarcasm ,  “graduation is just a time- pass exercise for you all :  it is just a passport for you to hook a good husband”.  I was in City college in Calcutta those days and I confess, even I was amazed to see girls coming to college  soon after their marriage with Sindoor ( the mark of a married woman, usually a North Indian in Hinduism, applied at the beginning or completely along the parting line of a woman's hair),  and a big red Bindi ( dot) adorning their forehead,  coming ever so punctually to attend early morning classes (our college timing was 6.15 am to 11.30 am.). Now these girls were quite young, hardly 18 years of age and the boys they were married to must have been pretty tender of age as well.  After marriage, the boys would go off to complete their engineering, medicine, and accountancy  ( if they be of marwari origin)  while these young brides were left high and dry with nothing better to do than attend college just for “naam ke vasthe”  (to keep up appearances): serious study was the last thing on their minds.

The good Professor certainly could not be blamed for passing such gratuitous remarks.

 In those very same old days,  even I was not far behind in all this “chakar” of marriage. I had no other choice, because I had a father, whose only aim in life was to get all his three daughters married, at the right age. Well luckily the other two had got married at the right age, now it was my turn.
Being the youngest I was given certain liberties, but not without conditions. I can study all I want, but I should not entertain any ideas of taking up a career or something like that, because girls from respectable families should have only one aim in their life, that is to get married to a decent man selected by their parents. The only thing that one could look forward to was a life  filled with rosy pictures of making your husband happy, having his babies, and being good to his parents, being good in cooking, and other uninteresting things like tailoring, knitting, singing  etc. (please this is not to offend people who have made a successful career out of these very hobbies),  and in short putting one’s life on the back-burner.

Funniest thing was that, you were not supposed to be too choosey about his looks or colour, or height/built etc. You can’t refuse a boy because he had a moustache, he was slightly balding, he wore specs, and he wore bell-bottoms with wide ugly belts and so on. I am sure there are many of you out there who would agree with all my points (Women of my age or older than me). 


Girls were supposed to have no choice at all. If you dared to rebel the axe would immediately fall on the mother, she would get her quota of blasting, for bringing up a daughter with such crazy modern ideas. Though your mother might be supportive of you, but in front of the father she will support everything he says, for she had no other go, for all her life she had trained herself to saying only one thing: “yes dear, as you say”, having been married to this man at a very young age.  Most men were like that only, very bossy and dominating.

My situation was no better than hers. People would have only one question “Are you looking for some alliance for your daughter, I know a boy he is in America”. It was always either  some boy living in America, or was qualified from America. (The boy from the US was the craze at that time).

That was enough for my father,  he would be ready for anything. So you would see, that even before I had turned 19 my father had all the eligible boys lined up for me.

Did I get married as my father wanted me to get married ?

You would have to wait and see, how the story unfolds itself........

Ironically I was to see America only in the year 2010.